Is Happiness A Skill?

February 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm, by Louise Sloan

I was originally hired to be LHJ’s “psychology editor,” and over my four years here, much of my work has been about improving happiness and coping with stress. In fact, the first article I worked on was called “5 Habits of Truly Happy People.”  I joked at the time that after a few months on the job I’d end up being oh so enlightened. But you know what? Lately I’ve realized that I have picked up a few ideas that  help me through the hard times. Here are a few LHJ-article  tricks I’ve been using—all of which have a lot of university research proving that they’re effective. Plus two thumbs up from this test driver!

Do fun stuff. Sure, you need to take your problems seriously, eat your vegetables and keep up with the news. But not every minute of the day! Take time to click on that cute or funny Facebook link. Watch or read something that makes you laugh (here’s our article on how laughter releases stress), or indulge in some escapism. I’ve most recently been transported to the English countryside, watching Downton Abbey on my iPhone on my subway commute, and reading Plan C, an e-book that came out last week (see photo) that Vanity Fair‘s James Wolcott accurately called a “breathless romp.” The heroine, dressed in expensive stilettos, teeters back and forth between fabulous Manhattan apartments and celeb-filled cocktail parties, exchanging gossip and witty banter with her equally fabulous BFFs—about as far from my NYC life as you can get. Though my reality—being the single working mom of a five-year-old—does help increase the fun factor, I gotta say (check out our article on the psychological importance of play)—there’s usually a game of chase or something silly I can engage in the minute I come home at night.

Think happy thoughts. Even small ones, like, “The Chrysler Building really is beautiful.” Or, “my bum hip isn’t bothering me too much today.” Look for something to enjoy in the moment (for tips, read our mindfulness article), or something to look forward to, something that you’re grateful for, or find a happy memory and dwell on that. These small thoughts add up, boosting your mood and at least temporarily interrupting that endless loop of negativity.

Hug somebody. Thank goodness for my snuggly schoolboy! But if you don’t have a five-year-old or a husband or a friend handy, a pet will work just fine. The benefits of touch are well-documented, and can sometimes really work wonders, as “The Cuddle Cure,” a pet story I edited, demonstrates.

Get some exercise. I know, sounds like broccoli. But wow, does it work. It’s as close to a psychological cure-all as you can get. After 20 minutes of lifting heavy weights, whatever my heavy load is always seems a lot lighter. Hmmm. I think it’s time for a gym break.

What’s your favorite “happiness skill”?

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Can This Marriage Be Saved? He Told Our Secrets Online!

February 3, 2012 at 11:17 am, by Lauren Piro

Newlyweds Isabella and Ryan assumed that married life would be blissful and easy. Kids, right? Read on to find out how they learned to communicate (and keep their problems off the internet!), and find the full story here.

Isabella’s turn: Isabella comes from a very close-knit, traditional family. Her mother’s home was always immaculate, Isabella is very close to her sister, and everyone in her family knew they had responsibilities. Then she married scruffy, free-spirited Ryan, and found that their home life was, well, different. To Isabella, Ryan is a slob stuck in a dead-end job. He never helps around the house and resents the fact that she makes more money than he does (even though she knows he could be a successful comic-book writer if he put his mind to it). Tensions were rising, and then Isabella stumbled upon the real kicker. Ryan had been keeping a blog (which had garnered a bunch of readers!) complaining about life with Isabella. She feels betrayed and wonders how well she knows him at all.

Ryan’s turn: Isabella is overreacting—he’s only using a the blog as a way to express his feelings, and likes the advice he gets from his readers. He says it’s like anonymous group therapy, that’s all. Ryan’s life has always been a bit difficult. His parents had him at a very young age, his dad was an alcoholic, and recently they got a divorce, which Ryan took pretty hard. For awhile, Isabella made his life better—she was romantic and caring, and he loved spending time with her. But now, she just nags him as soon as she gets home from work. He feels like nothing in his life is working right now (including his dull job), so he took to the internet to sort things out. It’s not a big deal. Why can’t Isabella just drop it?

The counselor’s turn: Like many couples, Ryan and Isabella didn’t think it was important to discuss how they would handle everyday tasks once they got married. They seem trivial, but responsibilities like managing housework can quickly cause fighting and marital disappointment. Ryan’s blog was definitely hurtful, but it helped the couple finally get their feelings and problems out in the open. After working with the counselor, each agreed to try harder. They created a chore schedule to organize their household management in way that worked for both of them, and Isabella curbed her constant nagging, trading her resentment for better communication. Ryan apologized for hurting Isabella and minimizing her concerns, and admitted that it bothered him that Isabella was the family breadwinner. The counselor recognized that Ryan had a tough childhood, but told him it was time to change the outcome of his story and earn some self-worth. The couple decided that Ryan would enroll in art school to kick-off his new career, and before long their closeness returned.

Did you and your husband get off to a rough start when you first married? Tell us in the comments or tweet us at @MarriageBeSaved with the hashtag #CTMBS.

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Cheat Sheet: Four Things You Maybe Missed This Week

February 3, 2012 at 9:38 am, by Catherine LeFebvre

1. Baby Elephant Sneezes, Scares Himself

2. Kristen Bell Loves Sloths

3. Polar Bear Ice Skating

4. “People” Flying in New York City

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Think You Can’t Lose Weight? Wanna Bet?

February 1, 2012 at 10:45 am, by Amelia Harnish

Having trouble slimming down? Staying the course is tough even when you know all the tricks: diet with friends, announce your goals and commit to a workout schedule. But raising the stakes might help. A new crop of dieting sites does just that by offering a chance to make money for the weight you lose—or pay up if you don’t.

We know supportive social dieting sites and apps that help you track your meals can be helpful, but weight loss gambling? It may sound weird, or even slightly shady, but research supports it: People with a financial incentive lose more weight, according to two studies.

“But it’s not as simple as just paying people to lose weight,” says Leslie John, Ph.D., a professor at Harvard Business School who studies behavioral decision-making. “What we found is that people actually hate losing money even more than they like making money. They hate that regret, so when you use that as leverage in a weight-loss scheme, it works.”

DietBet is the newest site to allow users to bet on their weight loss. The goal is to make dieting a game, according to founder Jamie Rosen. One person plays the role of organizer. She invites others to join and sets how much everyone has to put in the pot. Then, the goal is to lose either 8 pounds or 4 percent of your body weight by the team weigh-in at the end of four weeks. You can set it up so that whoever loses the most weight wins everyone’s money, or you can split it among the people who reach the goal.

Another site, HealthyWage, offers longer challenges and bigger payouts. To participate in their 10 percent challenge, you put down $100 and if you can lose 10 percent of your body weight in six months you can double your money. Their BMI Challenge is geared toward people with a Body Mass Index over 30. It’s free to participate, but if you get your BMI down to 25, you win $100. Or if you want, you can put down $300 and win $1,000 at the end of the year. To win the cash you have to verify your weight regularly at your gym, doctor’s office or Weight Watchers meeting.

About 25 percent of the people who pay for the BMI Challenge win the money, says co-founder David Roddenberry. Given how hard it is to move the needle on BMI, that’s pretty good.

But the biggest draw for HealthyWage is their Matchup game, played in groups of five for three months. You pay $60, and your team competes against 150 other teams to see who can lose the most weight in three months. The team that comes in first wins $10,000.

Maybe 10 grand is a bit of a lofty goal, but still, the model seems to work thanks to the added social components: teamwork and competition. “Having teammates counting on me really made a huge difference,” says Pat Grimes, who lost 44 pounds and was on this month’s $10,000 team. “The money is out of the question without everyone doing their part.”

Mom blogger Amy Oztan started a DietBet with a few other bloggers earlier this month, and has lost almost 9 pounds. “There were so many times when I wanted to just say screw it, but I didn’t want to be the loser,” she says.

These are just two of many sites out there. There’s also FatBet (which wins the prize for best tagline: “You Bet Your Ass”), GymPact (which charges you when you don’t make it to the gym) and Stickk (which allows you to choose from a variety of goals like losing weight or quitting cigarettes).

No one’s placing any bets, however, on whether the weight loss will last. That’s another story.

Photo copyright infomages—Fotolia.com.

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Ali Fedotowsky Blogs The Bachelor: Episode 5

January 31, 2012 at 4:18 pm, by Ladies' Lounge

Hi friends! Welcome back In last night’s episode, all of the girls got to go on a date with Ben, so I was happy for them—it would really stink to be in Puerto Rico and not be able to go out and explore. Speaking of tropical places, I just got back from the beautiful Casa Dorada resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and I’m exhausted after an incredible trip with my girlfriends. So I apologize if my blog isn’t on point this time around, but I promise to make up for it next week!

I was really glad that Nikki got a date this week. I liked her the first night but we haven’t really gotten to know her since. Nikki seems really genuine and I loved seeing how relaxed she was with Ben. And even though I think it’s good that Nikki opened up about her marriage, I don’t think it’s a good thing to tell a guy that you had trust issues in your past relationship without going into more detail and explaining why you felt that way. I feel like that puts a warning sign in his head that says, “I’m going to lose my freedom if I get into a relationship with this girl!” I could be totally wrong, but that’s my observation based on my experience with guys. However, I will say that I thought their kiss was super passionate—heck, even I started blushing a little. I think Ben really likes Nikki, or at least really likes kissing her.

The group date this week seemed like a lot of fun. Baseball is such a great idea for a date and I’m all for a little healthy sports competition! I found it very interesting that Ben got to choose a woman to take on the night portion of the date, and it means a lot that he picked Lindzi. It’s not a rose, but in my opinion it’s much better. Usually roses are given to some people because you don’t want to be harsh and send someone home on a one-on-one date. And sometimes you give a rose on a group date to someone who you haven’t spent that much time with, so you want them to feel better by getting the rose. Believe me, there are hundreds of reasons why roses are given out. If who the roses were given to didn’t get switched up every once in a while, I would have given my group date roses to one of three or four guys every single time. However, giving Lindzi more “time” is much more special, and it shows that he wants to be around her and get to know her better. I’m not sure if this makes sense to you guys, but it makes perfect sense in my head, maybe because I lived through it.

On the group date Kacie B. got the rose. I loved when Ben gave her the rose and stated a bunch of reasons why he wanted to give it to her, because I think when he isn’t all that into a girl he’ll usually just say something like “I want to get to know you more.” Yay, Kacie B! I love her to pieces.

I think Elyse is a sweetheart, but I feel bad because I didn’t even know her name until this episode. That fact alone was enough for me to know that she wasn’t going to make it very far in this because the viewers didn’t even know her yet! It was very obvious to me throughout the date that Ben wasn’t feeling it. He wasn’t really talking to her and he was just repeating things she said. I also don’t think Elyse really liked Ben that much; I don’t think she was crying for him per se, I think it was more because she wanted to stay on the show and was maybe hoping for that fairy tale ending. In the end, Ben did the right thing. If you don’t feel it, you can’t force it. Read more

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Shopping with Sue… at Lemlem

January 31, 2012 at 1:17 pm, by Sue Erneta

With less than 48 hours until I leave for vacation, I’ve got beach on the brain. And traveling with me will be a few of my favorite items — my scarves from Lemlem.

For the uninitiated, I’ll give you the brief story. Lemlem was created by the gorgeous supermodel Liya Kebede in 2007. The line consists of handwoven dresses, tops, skirts, scarves and shoes for women and girls. I’m not gonna lie, it ain’t cheap. But when something is special and you can wear it over and over, then maybe $150 for a scarf isn’t so bad.

Her scarves are my favorite because they always have this beautiful color mix — some amazing pop of super bright against pure white — and they are so easy to wear. I love them around my neck on a plane to keep the chill away and then as a sarong on the beach. I even wrap them around my kids as little beach dresses.

The dresses and tunics are adorable too – and even come in kids sizes – though they do run upwards of $200+. They’re carried at one of my favorite place to shop – jcrew.com — so I’m always on the lookout to see some pop up on sale. Oh look: there are a couple right now!

Another reason to love Lemlem is that by purchasing the product, not only are you keeping alive the ancient art of hand weaving but you are giving a job to someone who may not have had one before. Check out these pictures of the weaving process. It makes it look totally worth $150 to me.

Photos from Lemlem.

 

 

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Get-Fit Clicks

January 31, 2012 at 12:47 pm, by jbrown

* How to make healthy versions of pizza, pudding and more. (Discovery Fit & Health)

* Which workout will help you sculpt “long and lean muscles”? None of them! Thank you, FitSugar, for explaining the truth behind this aggravating fitness myth (which is clearly one of my pet peeves.) (FitSugar)

* How your weekend splurges can easily undo your best weight loss efforts. (USA Today)

* Seven unexpected reasons why we pack on weight in winter. (Fitbie)

* The secret to coping with a food craving? Tell yourself you can have that brownie/ice cream/bag of chips later—chances are you won’t. (WebMD)

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