Parks and Recreation: My Passionate Plea

Written on November 20, 2009 at 3:50 pm, by Lisa M. Gerry

OK, TV watchers, I have a bone to pick with you: Why oh why are you all not watching Parks and Recreation? I will be the first to admit that it didn’t have the strongest start, but this season they’ve hit their stride, and it is truly one of THE funniest shows currently on television. The creators (who, by the way, are the same people who gave us The Office) have assembled a comedic dream team (see above) with the amazing Amy Poehler at the helm (my money’s on her come Emmy time).

Not convinced? Think about all of the great things we would have missed out on in life had we not given them a second chance: eating vegetables, Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler, our high school boyfriends (ok, not everything deserves a second chance). Because I have made such a flawless argument, I trust you will all head straight to nbc.com or hulu.com and catch up on all of Season 2.

While my staunch endorsement might at first seem benevolent—I assure you it’s not. I have seen too many great shows go before their time (Arrested Development, anyone?), and I can’t stand to see it happen again. So just as my Grandma said to me about her stuffed olives, I just ask that you try it. I personally guarantee that you will laugh out loud at least twice during the show. Then, please come back and we can discuss  our favorite parts!

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Preschool Lesson #3: Positive Reinforcement Actually Works Better than Bossing People Around

Written on November 19, 2009 at 5:08 pm, by Louise Sloan

OK, if you can bear it, here’s another Important Life Lesson I’ve recently had pounded into my brain thanks to my three-year-old son’s preschool experience. Drumroll, please: If you try to control people through criticism and intimidation, you’re likely to make them depressed, unmotivated, angry and rebellious.

When we last left young Scott, he had turned into the Tasmanian Devil due to stress, lack of exercise, and sleep deprivation. In my blog entry about it, I didn’t mention the main reason behind his behavior change: a strict but inexperienced preschool teacher who maintained classroom discipline by issuing constant, sharp reprimands.

Discipline & punish
Within literally the first hour of his first day of school, Scott had been reprimanded multiple times and had been given two time-outs (for not sitting properly in circle). Another boy had been given a time-out, as well. A girl who shouted out, “sunny!” when asked what the day’s weather was like was immediately corrected, on two counts: one, raise your hand first. Two, use your indoor voice. Yes sir, sir!

Indeed, as preschools go, it was not unlike boot camp. But the teacher was sweet and pleasant in other ways, and I figured, well, he has to learn these things at some point. Spare the time-out and spoil the child, and all that.

Another mom had a different take on it: She was so horrified by what she saw, she pulled her kid out of the class after day two. I thought she was totally overreacting and probably was one of those hippy-dippy, “whatever you want, dear” parents who let their kids scream and run wild in restaurants.

One month later, my kid was spoiled, all right, but it wasn’t permissiveness that did it. The continual no’s and don’ts and punishments had quite rapidly changed him from a happy-go-lucky boy who was up for anything and consistently played well with others to a detached, depressed, angry and hostile little terror. The transformation was astounding and heartbreaking.

A  gentler approach
Here’s the good news: Two weeks ago he was switched to another class with a more experienced teacher who had equally firm requirements regarding behavior (Montessori preschools have exponentially more rules than typical preschools, I’ve learned—who knew?).

There was a big difference, however. The new teacher inspired that good behavior by engaging the kids, accentuating the positive, gently educating them about her expectations and being sure to notice and remark on it when the kids did the right thing. Consequences, when necessary, were meted out without negative emotion or judgment, the way a cop might say, “Here’s your ticket, ma’am.”

I’ve been attempting to do the same thing at home, and I can tell you, it’s a lot more work than just handing out old-fashioned reprimands and punishment. But it’s vastly more effective.  The new teacher had no problems with my son, and within a few days, Scott’s stress level plummeted, his behavior at home improved, and his sunny personality started to peek out again.

The “duh” factor
In the business world, this clear-expectations-plus-positive-reinforcement thing is Personnel Management 101. In the self-help world, it’s Relationships for Dummies. There are a million experts out there peddling books that basically tell you that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. But the reason there are so many people running around making their living off this simple advice is that it’s so easy to forget and often so hard to do. Read more

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Spirit of the Thanksgiving Feast

Written on November 19, 2009 at 2:24 pm, by Julie Bain

Don’t you love Thanksgiving? I think it’s one of the few holidays that has remained relatively free of crass commercialization. It celebrates family, tradition, good food—and remembering to be grateful for all we have (plus a little football, of course).

This has been a tough year for so many people. According to a survey by fundraising food cooperative Market Day, nearly half of the respondents said they’re concerned about the expense of preparing Thanksgiving dinner this year. About 60 percent said they’ll try to reduce costs by serving fewer dishes. But luckily, Thanksgiving was the original potluck, right? Everybody contributes. About 83 percent said they ask guests to bring a dish, according to the survey. It’s the perfect solution. So what are you bringing to the party?

Trudi Temple, the founder of Market Day, is an inspiration on this food-focused holiday.  Back in the mid ’70s in Illinois, she started buying fresh produce from the wholesale market in Chicago and offering it to friends and neighbors to support her missionary work. When her young daughter asked her to bake a cake for a school fundraiser, she brought fresh fruits and veggies instead, and it was (surprise!) a hit. Soon other schools were creating Produce Days to raise money, and Temple added meats and seafood to the mix. That’s how the Market Day concept came about. Now it’s a big fundraising organization that has raised $460 million so far for schools and organizations across the country. You can order all kinds of foods on the site yourself, and proceeds go directly to the schools and others in need. That’s a feast you can feel good about!

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Beauty Coach: Makeup for an Interview

Written on November 19, 2009 at 10:59 am, by Erica Metzger

I recently had the opportunity to meet Pat McGrath, the legendary makeup artist and global creative design director for P&G beauty. I left the encounter with the thickest, longest lashes I’ve ever sported, a tube of CoverGirl Lash Blast Length to keep up the look — the trick is fan out your inner and outer lashes and run the tip of the wand over the bottom ones — and a list of great tips from Pat to share with you! Here’s some advice that I think is particularly helpful in this economy.

Question: What makeup tricks do you recommend for women who want to get ahead in their careers, whether they are interviewing for a new job or trying to get a promotion?

Answer: In general, I think that professional daytime makeup is best when worn more or less minimal, perhaps allowing one feature to dominate the face such as lipstick or eyeliner. Your complexion should look as makeup-free as possible, and colors used for blusher and eyes should be harmonious to your skin tone and not too garish (neutrals for eyes, and subtle, natural looking blush). Your choice of lipstick allows a bit more freedom, as you can choose a color that subtly enhances the lips or a deeper jewel tone as a chic “accessory” for your look. Professional makeup should always look clean and polished, and complement your most confident self.

Pat recommends:
- CoverGirl Continuous Color Lipstick in Almost Nude or Classic Red.
- Dolce & Gabbana The Makeup Smooth Eye Colour Quad in Nude

What’s your go-to professional makeup look? I’d love to hear from you! And if you’re looking for more office-friendly shades, check out these natural beauty tips.

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New Mammogram Guidelines: Should You Wait Till 50?

Written on November 18, 2009 at 5:20 pm, by Julia Kagan

Earlier this week, the distinguished U.S. Preventive Services Task Force (USPSTF) announced its new breast cancer screening guidelines, reversing many of its 2002 recommendations. In a move that has already become a point of controversy, USPSTF now recommends that women start getting mammograms later in life and less frequently. But after years of preaching  “prevention, prevention, prevention,” what should we do now?

What changed:
1. USPSTF advises women to start getting routine mammograms at age 50—not 40—until age 74.  However, those between ages of 40-49 who are at high risk for breast cancer should talk to their doctor whether to begin regular screenings sooner.
2. USPSTF suggests getting a routine mammogram every two years, instead of every year—again, women in high-risk groups may need a greater frequency.
3. USPSTF recommends that doctors should not teach women how to do breast self-exams.

The reasoning: USPSTF found that among women ages 40-49, mammograms save one cancer death per every 1,904 people screened for 10 years.  Among those ages 50-74, this number increases to 1 in every 1,339 women, and to 1 in every 337 women ages 60-69.

Based on these findings, the USPSTF concludes that for women ages 40-49, the risk of overtreatment (unnecessary biopsies, stress) from a mammogram outweighs its benefits.  There is also data showing breast self–exams don’t find cancers in a more treatable stage or decrease deaths (read a Q&A with Susan M. Love, M.D. about this topic from our October 2009 issue after the jump, below).

The controversy: Not everyone agrees with USPSTF’s interpretation. “The panel acknowledges that screening mammography for women in their 40s saves lives, but considers it too costly in dollars per woman saved and in false positives. This seems inappropriate to me and would be to most women in their 40s, I think,” says Etta D. Pisano, M.D., Kenan Professor of Radiology and Biomedical Engineering and Director of the UNC Biomedical Research Imaging Center at UNC School of Medicine in Chapel Hill, North Carolina.  “I do think the data support less frequent screening for older women,” she adds—but whether that should “start at 50 or later when women have fatty breasts…would be important to study.”

Moreover, the American Cancer Society still recommends women get an annual mammograms starting at 40. And so does Susan G. Komen for the Cure. And in terms of limiting mammograms from age 40 to 50 to just those with identified high risk factors: It turns out, according to Komen, that most women diagnosed with breast cancer in the U.S. do not have any risk factors aside from being female and getting older, and breast cancer that occurs in younger women is often more aggressive than breast cancer in women in their 50s or older.

The bottom line: Right now you still get to choose which recommendation you want to follow.  And for women who hate mammograms, this is medical confirmation that you can have them much less often. But if you want to keep being tested according to the old standards, be prepared that insurance companies and Medicare may look at whether they should reduce the number of mammograms they are willing to cover.

Read more

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That’s a Wrap: Holiday Gift Wrap with Personality

Written on November 18, 2009 at 5:17 pm, by cdewet

Whether you are making, baking, or buying your presents this year, wrap them in a way that truly shows you care. Here are a few affordable yet creative ways to personalize your gift wrap.

A Simple Statement
Kraft paper goes from blah to beautiful with some colorful ribbon and a few personal touches. Bonus—one roll will last you the entire season! Last year I wrapped all of my boxes in Kraft paper and used red or plaid colored ribbon from Michaels to spruce them up. Raffia and twine also work well for this simple and rustic look. Finish the package off with an adorable vintage gift tag from etsy.com. You can apply this idea to plain brown lunch bags too—just fold over the top and punch out two holes to thread the ribbon through. They are great for gifting coffee!

Express Yourself with Color
Don’t be afraid to ditch the traditional red and green and go for something bold! Purples, golds, blues, silvers, pinks—really any color—can work for the holiday. Start by choosing a color scheme that inspires you and buy a couple of different rolls of wrapping paper—one with a print and one solid to mix and match. Paper-Source and The Container Store have some great options for holiday gift wrap. Use double-stick tape to attach a cut-out strip of the patterned paper around a box wrapped in the solid paper, or vice-versa. To keep your gifts unified choose a solid colored ribbon that will work with all of the packages. If your color scheme doesn’t scream holiday, attach a jingle bell or a glass ball ornament in a complimentary color to the ribbon. Check out cb2.com for some unique colored glass ornaments.

Read more

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Ladies We Love: Kelly Sargent

Written on November 18, 2009 at 3:23 pm, by Sonia Harmon

Kelly Sargent, a marketing professional based in Des Moines, had a thing for buying pajamas—there was something about having a new, comfy pair that seemed to put her at ease. So on one unseasonably cold night, when she got the desire to buy another pair of pajamas, she wondered if women at the local domestic violence shelter might find comfort in a new pair of their own, since they often come into shelters with just the clothes on their backs.

After joining forces with her local Rotary club, friends and family to make donations, Kelly received 150 pairs of pajamas. Two years later, more than 500,000 pairs have been donated to domestic violence shelters in Iowa, Arkansas, Nevada and New York through her non-profit, Helen’s Pajama Party, named after her mother. We love that Kelly thought outside the box—it might seem like just a pair of pajamas, but it’s a warm gesture for women on the first night of their new beginning.

What makes me a lady: Being married to my wonderful husband, and caring about and loving pretty much everything and everyone around me.

Favorite guilty pleasure: Having way too many shoes and clothes! But that’s justified by the fact that I have my black belt in bargain shopping.

Three things on my life list: Write a best-selling book, do a cartwheel and learn to speak Spanish fluently.

If I could have a superpower, it would be: I would like the ability to vaporize any and all hate within them someone just by touching them on the arm. I’d leave all the other emotions untouched—sad, mad, glad—but I’d neutralize hate.

Ladies I admire: This is a tough one because there are so many I admire. Most of those I’d name are women that might be deemed “ordinary” because they’re not famous. The thing they have in common is that they’re all women who have overcome obstacles and tragedies and still manage to take care of the ones they love day after day and be a force for good in the world. Some well-known women I admire include Jane Goodall, Alice Walker, Steffi Graf and Sonia Sotomayor.

Do you know a woman who deserves some of the spotlight? Tell us about her at ladieslounge@lhj.com and she could be featured in a future post.

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