Jillian Harris Blogs The Bachelorette: Episode 9

July 10, 2012 at 3:19 pm , by

On last night’s episode, Emily was down to the final three bachelors. I remember this part of the process being so magical. We were in Maui, a place that most of you know I visit often, so it was a special place to me for many reasons. I actually have a very vivid memory—right before my date with Reid I had the morning to myself. I opened up the windows to my big, beautiful room, turned up the music, sipped my coffee and thought about how lucky I was. But it hadn’t hit me yet that I was about to let go of someone who had become really special to me, so I don’t envy Emily at this stage. You truly do have severe feelings for the final three guys. I can’t speak for all of the bachelorettes, but I’m pretty sure that by the final two you know where your heart is headed, but at three there are still a lot of unanswered questions.

Let’s talk about something that might be a bit controversial: Turning down the fantasy dates. I saw quite a few tweets last night from people saying “Good for Emily!” but to be honest I was really confused. If this were “real” life and we were at the point of saying I love you to someone, sleepovers would be happening. This doesn’t mean I think you need to be doing the horizontal polka ladies; I just mean you have a very limited amount of time with this person. And further more, you have to remember there is no off camera or alone time together at this stage.

So think about it: Emily is trying to figure out who she is going to spend the rest of her life with outside of the TV show, but she’s making a decision based on what all of us viewers will think. Do you know how many people have boldly asked me “How many guys did you sleep with while on the show?” Yes, I went on national television and made certain choices but that information is personal no one else’s business. However, I do think that sexual chemistry is important when trying to decide who you’re going to marry. Let’s face it—it’s human nature, and ignoring it because she’s worried about what the rest of the world will think could very well be the same reason why engagement number two didn’t work out. Maybe she’ll decide to have overnight dates when she’s down to the final two, but let’s forget about the sexual chemistry for now. I think she should have accepted those overnight dates simply to get to know the guys more, but to heck with what we all think!

I still don’t really understand the Sean attraction. She keeps saying that he’s the perfect man, but I don’t see that fire in their eyes. I thought it was funny that Emily brought up the fact that Sean was buddy-buddy with a lot of his ex-girlfriends. It kind of reminds me of a certain ex-boyfriend of mine, which is totally okay, but for me that fire, passion and attraction has to be there for a relationship to last a lifetime. Their conversation seemed really forced and awkward and it didn’t feel like they were anywhere close to being engaged, so I guess it makes sense that he was sent home. Regardless, it’s so tough to go home at this point. Do you guys remember my goodbye with Jason? I remember my heart being so broken that I didn’t think I was going to wake up the next day. Unless you’ve been on this journey you can’t understand how quickly you become invested in someone. You’re learning everything about a person, the relationship advances quickly, and the whole time you’re thinking that this person is for you, but you really don’t know. It’s devastating when you get let go at the very end. I feel for him.

There is something so magical about Jef and Emily. It’s not like with Arie, where you can tell that they want to rip each other’s clothes off. It’s more unspoken, heart to heart. You feel like Jef will really take care of Emily and she’s so herself with him—she has no problems being goofy and answering his questions. Speaking of which, I love that he probes her and digs deeper when she says something. I don’t know if you guys have noticed but usually when there’s a serious conversation on this show, you just get a lot of smiling and nodding. That’s simply because there is so much going on around you, and in your head and your heart, that you aren’t really thinking straight. I remember going on the show and everyone telling me “Oh, Jill you will be fine if you just be yourself,” but then you jump on the crazy train and realize that you’ve never been in a situation like that before and you have no real frame of reference so it’s harder than you think to just to “be yourself.” When I notice those small details, like a genuine conversation, I know that something very powerful is happening.

Speaking of powerful, Emily and Arie totally had the sexual chemistry going on—they were 50 Shades of Grey all over each other! That chemistry is hard to find after having your heart broken so many times; I know from experience. So when you find it again, it’s important to really embrace it but also probe a bit deeper. I do think they have a genuine emotional connection as well, and I love how they discussed Arie’s relationship with Ricki. I liked his approach and thought it was very cool and mature of him, and more than I would have expected!

I have no idea who Emily is going to choose next week and I don’t follow spoilers. Part of me says pick Arie, pick Arie! They have a connection that will carry them through the six months of hard times in the media after the show, which is so difficult to get through. But what about after that? I think Jef has what it takes to make it with Emily to her rocking years. Who do you think Emily will pick?

Until next time,


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22 Responses to “Jillian Harris Blogs The Bachelorette: Episode 9”

  1. Jillian, I think Jef is the better fit for Emily for the long distance. They are pretty well matched. I think Arie will die down over time and because they don’t talk all that much (just kisses)I think it will chill and then what are they based on, the foundation is there with her and Jef. Thanks for your post I enjoy it.

  2. First of all Emily is so fake! All that stiffing where’s the tears? If you remember when she appeared on Bachelor, she said “I hope I don’t sabotage this relationship like i have with all my past relationship”. After watching her she seems to to get extreme pleasure from haveing man pour out there hearts, she baits them into telling her they love her,than poof! there gone! she loves dismissing them! Remember when one of the guys said that they didnt think it was a good idea to stay all night in the suite? Her response was…”He told me he didnt want to stay all night”! “DANG cuz I wanted to tell him that” She loves rejecting men! She didn’t have to go on the show to find love! You can bet Men have been thowing them selfs at her all her adult life..If she is looking for what is best for “Rickey” she won’t pick Arie,he is always traveling and he didn’t seem to have any other family other than his Mother & Father also Arie’s Mother seem to be rather cool&suspicious of Emily,and I must say I loved that Arie’s Mother seem to knock Emily off her High horse!

  3. I am really glad Emily didn’t do the over-night dates! Not every relationship has sleep-overs at the point where you start to say “I love you.”

    I think Jeff is the MUCH better choice. I can see the chemistry, but chemistry (no matter how strong it was) will die down after years and years…Finding someone who gets you will never “die down.”

  4. great write up Jillian…I like your spin on the overnight dates…
    I think she picks Jef :)

  5. I have to say that I do think that Jeff is the better fit; there are so many things that can happen in life…. turns of events that we cannot predict or even imagine. Lusting after someone that much isn’t healthy. In fact, it can be detrimental to your own growth and being.

    A woman who is so completely loved and honored by a man will flourish in her own right. He will be there for her through life’s ups and downs and will cherish the person inside, even if health, accidents, disfigurement, whatever occur. He will love the person inside and if she truly is what she says she is, she will do the same for him.

    True love does need a physical chemistry….but that will soon fade if you’re left at home time and time again while ‘he’ is out doing his thing and getting attention from the opposite sex. When a woman can trust her man and know in her heart that she is all he needs….she’ll be turned on by his lifetime appeal to her. AND, a woman falls in love with her husband over and over again when he loves and honors their children….the biggest turn on ever!

    I just wish them all the best…finding ‘the one’ is tough.

  6. Jef has been my pick since day one. I really hoped he would turn out to be a good guy and it seems he has. I wasn’t 100% sure she would pick him but now that we are at the final 2, Jef is definitely the better pick for Emily.

    I never got what she saw in Arie. Yes, there is passion there. Although I must admit that when he kisses her it makes me cringe. Not sure why. But when Jef kisses her it just seems so real.

    No matter who she picks, I really hope they will both be very happy.

  7. I agree with Jillian, she is going to pick Arie. They love each other right from the beginning, and that attraction is going to get them through the hard times. He is the right choice for her.
    Jef and her are buddies.

  8. Emily is a breath of fresh air. She has morals, she is smart, she is gracious and cares about people. I think she is the best bachelorette ever. I wish her good luck and forever happiness. She made the right decision on the overnight visits, to be a good role model for her daughter and for young and older viewers alike to see someone with good character and wisdom. I think Jef is the right choice. He’s more like her. I think Arie is not really into the domestic life.

  9. Sorry guys but I don’t think Emily is going to pick anyone. I believe she’s going to walk away from both, maybe saying she just can’t decide or just doesn’t want to hurt either one. Oh brother!

  10. I am really not feeling that either of these guys are suited for Emily..I think that Jef is still to young & that Arie & Emily relationship would be short lived..

  11. I think money is a huge concern with Emily, more than the right man. She wants to be prego and have someone take care of her. Not that there is a lot wrong with that, I just think she isn’t quite as sincere and set as she pretends to be. And I think that with all of the plastic surgery she looks less attractive than she did with out it.
    I hope she picks Jeff, there seems to be more substance between them.

  12. Very objective blog Jillian, I however think that Emily should pick the person she can’t see herself living without at the moment and that is Arie. Emily seems to have a connection with Arie that I am not seeing with Jef, although Jef seems to be great on paper I don’t think her love is as strong with him as it is with Arie. Hope she makes the right decision for herself and Ricki!

  13. I would like to comment on how great it is to read your blogs, Jillian. They are honest, true and insightful.

    Ever since Jillian was the Bachelorette my daughters and I have enjoyed watching the show. You are lovely. … Just sayin’.

  14. Physical chemistry, as someone else said, will not last. YUP, sort of like a one night stand, but, extended for 6 months to a year. Then it’s back to finding the other part, L O V E Real love isn’t about the physical part, its about sharing, caring and being thoughtful. And besides, with Arie, she would have to learn Dutch, and they would have to learn southern twang.

  15. After Jillian was the Bachelorette I wanted to quit watching the show. I don’t know how you can make comments about Emily when Ed had enough of you and left. Not to mention being on Extreme Make Over…. all you did was look into the camera for yourself and didn’t seem to care about the project. I’m glad you’re not on there anymore. I think you should blog about something you really know about and that’s not men – that’s for sure. Although you are very pretty, you are so wrapped up in yourself that no man will ever be able to break through the hardness. So sad.

  16. Emily loves Jeff but she is in love with Arie, big difference. She’d never really be happy with Jeff and if Aire was her choice and I believe he was, still is I’d think. Jeff should get out now. Guys like Aire might get cold feet but they come back and my guess is Arie will return and Emily will marry him. It would make for a good show and the stuff women dream of.

  17. I know I may be old-fashioned (though I’m only 27), but my husband & I BOTH waited until marriage to have sex OR sleepovers. Some people take different moral stands regarding physical chemistry. My husband & I knew we loved each other well before we were married and we set guidelines in our relationship concerning how far was too far. Emily has done the same. To say that this may be the reason Engagement #2 didn’t work out is harsh. Your engagement didn’t work out either, so apparently you don’t have one up on her in this area.

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