Louise Sloan

Is Happiness A Skill?

February 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm, by Louise Sloan

I was originally hired to be LHJ’s “psychology editor,” and over my four years here, much of my work has been about improving happiness and coping with stress. In fact, the first article I worked on was called “5 Habits of Truly Happy People.”  I joked at the time that after a few months on the job I’d end up being oh so enlightened. But you know what? Lately I’ve realized that I have picked up a few ideas that  help me through the hard times. Here are a few LHJ-article  tricks I’ve been using—all of which have a lot of university research proving that they’re effective. Plus two thumbs up from this test driver!

Do fun stuff. Sure, you need to take your problems seriously, eat your vegetables and keep up with the news. But not every minute of the day! Take time to click on that cute or funny Facebook link. Watch or read something that makes you laugh (here’s our article on how laughter releases stress), or indulge in some escapism. I’ve most recently been transported to the English countryside, watching Downton Abbey on my iPhone on my subway commute, and reading Plan C, an e-book that came out last week (see photo) that Vanity Fair‘s James Wolcott accurately called a “breathless romp.” The heroine, dressed in expensive stilettos, teeters back and forth between fabulous Manhattan apartments and celeb-filled cocktail parties, exchanging gossip and witty banter with her equally fabulous BFFs—about as far from my NYC life as you can get. Though my reality—being the single working mom of a five-year-old—does help increase the fun factor, I gotta say (check out our article on the psychological importance of play)—there’s usually a game of chase or something silly I can engage in the minute I come home at night.

Think happy thoughts. Even small ones, like, “The Chrysler Building really is beautiful.” Or, “my bum hip isn’t bothering me too much today.” Look for something to enjoy in the moment (for tips, read our mindfulness article), or something to look forward to, something that you’re grateful for, or find a happy memory and dwell on that. These small thoughts add up, boosting your mood and at least temporarily interrupting that endless loop of negativity.

Hug somebody. Thank goodness for my snuggly schoolboy! But if you don’t have a five-year-old or a husband or a friend handy, a pet will work just fine. The benefits of touch are well-documented, and can sometimes really work wonders, as “The Cuddle Cure,” a pet story I edited, demonstrates.

Get some exercise. I know, sounds like broccoli. But wow, does it work. It’s as close to a psychological cure-all as you can get. After 20 minutes of lifting heavy weights, whatever my heavy load is always seems a lot lighter. Hmmm. I think it’s time for a gym break.

What’s your favorite “happiness skill”?

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They Really Do Grow Up Too Soon

December 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm, by Louise Sloan

When my son was a newborn, I had moments—usually when I was feeling particularly happy and in love with my boy—when sadness would rush through my body, instant and palpable, like a jolt of adrenaline, and my eyes would fill with tears. It wasn’t the baby blues. It was the realization that life is short and fast and finite, and that these moments that were giving me such joy were fleeting, never to be recaptured. I’m guessing that my age—I was 43 when Scott was born—had a lot to do with it. I’ll bet 25-year-old moms are a lot less likely to draw a straight line between Goodnight Moon and mortality.

I’m able to stay more solidly in the present since those first days—no more wallowing in the poignancy of it all—but I have to say, it really does go by way too fast, just like the cliché says. In our September issue, we ran an essay on this fleeting nature of childhood called “The Long Goodbye.” It really struck a chord with readers, staying on our “Most Popular” list for many weeks. I’m not surprised: What parent can’t relate? And it’s a beautiful piece. If you missed it—or if you’re one of the many readers who loved it—here’s a video of writer Melissa T. Shultz reading it, with lots of adorable photos of her son. Get your tissues, sit back and enjoy. If you’re in the throes of holiday shopping and stress, this ought to help you get back to the spirit of the season.

 

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Teach Your Children Well (because your words may come right back at you!)

November 4, 2011 at 2:38 pm, by Louise Sloan

“No, I don’t wanna have radish soup, it sounds yucky!”

I’m sorry to report that was me, talking to my five-year-old son—not vice-versa.

Granted, I was a bit tired. It was the end of the day on a Sunday, after a weekend that was nonstop activity. Our last outing had been to a healthy food event at a local public school. My friend Jen is a big advocate of local and sustainable food, and she’d invited us to join her and her kids to the event, featuring a performance by her uncle Tom Chapin, a singer who was debuting his new kids’ album, Give Peas a Chance, all about healthy eating. There would be exhibitions about making veggie smoothies, composting and raising chickens in your backyard.  I figured it would be a fun outing with good music (it was), the boys would have fun playing, and maybe Scott would learn stuff. But me? I’m already an adventurous eater, well-versed in healthy options, I thought. I read “Chick Lit,” this month’s LHJ article on backyard chickens. My mom’s been composting forever. I had nothing to learn.

Enter the radishes. (For more of the story and an easy recipe, read on.)

Read more

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Is Recess a Waste of Time?

October 21, 2011 at 3:15 pm, by Louise Sloan

I have what is known in the parenting business as an “active boy.” Let me break it down for you in layman’s terms. It’s Sunday morning. You’re sick as a dog. Your 5-year-old son is delightful and well-behaved, showing much concern for your well-being, even asking if a kiss would help. Fast-forward to after he’s been sitting quietly for four hours, watching videos and playing with trucks while you sneeze miserably into your pillow, and your well-behaved young man is starting to turn into… Satan. He can’t behave, can’t focus; his mood goes to H-E-double-hockey-sticks. So you scrape yourself out of bed and take him out so he can run around. Problem solved; Satan vanquished.

So naturally, when I was looking at schools, recess was top of mind. Last I checked, teachers don’t generally enjoy teaching Satan the sort of kid that my son becomes when he’s been sitting quietly for half a day. Scott is usually well-behaved and loves to learn. But he’s got to move every few hours. All kids do, the experts say, and studies show it not only improves their behavior (duh!) but actually helps them learn. As a mom of an active boy, I know that if my son doesn’t get enough exercise, it will set him up for academic failure, plain and simple. I wasn’t surprised to read a recent report from the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation that 4 out of 5 principals feel that recess has a positive impact on academic achievement.

I’m the psychology editor at LHJ and similar studies about adults and exercise are always coming across my desk. Basically, daily exercise helps stabilize your mood, it relieves stress and makes your brain work better—in addition to all the other health benefits. The evidence is so compelling that businesses are trying to find ways to basically bribe their employees into exercising, so as to have a healthier, more productive work force. I know I work better if I get some exercise around lunchtime. Yet many schools, with parents’ blessings, are cutting out recess entirely, feeling that it’s a waste of time that should be spent on academics. Meanwhile the kids get antsy, more are labeled “ADHD,” and they all stop learning as efficiently. Never mind our childhood obesity epidemic!

Because of what I’d read about schools ditching exercise in favor of more academics, I was afraid I’d run into school administrators who were anti-recess. Not at my son’s school! PS9 is a cash-strapped New York City public school with a high-poverty student body, in a time where meeting higher academic standards is do-or-die—schools that don’t perform are being shut down. But in her address to prospective parents, one of the major points made by the dynamic principal, Sandra D’Avilar, was about exercise. “Kids have got to move,” she said. Amen! She probably also realizes that if recess has any effect on test scores, it’s a positive one.

What I didn’t realize is that having a pro-exercise principal is only half the battle. Read more

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“The Boy With Pink Hair”: Perez Hilton Picture Book Helps Stop Bullying

September 22, 2011 at 4:59 pm, by Louise Sloan

This week, we lost another child to bullying. Fourteen-year-old Jamie Rodemeyer killed himself Monday, because—despite having made an “It Gets Better” video in May—he apparently couldn’t take the taunts anymore.

Last year around this time, we lost a whole string of teenagers to suicide for the same reason. If you missed it, please read LHJ’s award-winning article on gay teens and bullying, which includes important information about how everyone, regardless of their beliefs about homosexuality, can help to create a safer environment for all our children.

In addition, here’s one really fun way you can make a difference: Get a copy of The Boy With Pink Hair, a picture book by celebrity blogger Perez Hilton that just came out this month, and give it to a young child in your life or donate it to your local elementary school. It’s my five-year-old son Scott’s new favorite book. The illustrations are adorable and the story is about how the thing that makes you different can turn out to be the thing that makes you special, popular and successful.

That’s often true, but most of us have to wait till we are adults to figure that out. Not the Boy With Pink Hair, who was born with a “cotton-candy mop,” loves to cook pink food, and gets harassed about his hair by just about everyone—even zoo animals!—and especially by his kindergarten-class nemesis, the Boy With the Bad Attitude.

When the Boy With Pink Hair starts elementary school, the cafeteria stove breaks down right before a welcome party for parents and students. But our hero has an unusual hobby: He makes beautiful pink food, like pink marshmallow sandwiches with pink potato chips, and he knows how to whip things up quickly without having to cook on a stove. The principal calls on him to save the day. “Not the pink weirdo!” shouts the Boy With the Bad Attitude. But in the end, he, too, enjoys all the pink food and ends up seeing the Boy With Pink Hair for the special, valuable person that he is.

The teenage bullies who drove  Jamie Rodemeyer to commit suicide might be lost causes. But this charming book (even if you don’t like Perez Hilton, you’ll love the story) may help us all create a new generation of Boys and Girls with Pretty Good Attitudes. And maybe it will get better.

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Olympic Gymnast Shannon Miller on Ovarian Cancer

September 14, 2011 at 5:11 pm, by Louise Sloan

“Listen to your body,” my mom always says. She has practiced what she preaches, which is one of the reasons she is a cancer survivor.

“Listen to your body” was the lifesaving message being put forward at the lunch I attended today, sponsored by the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition. Ovarian cancer is the deadliest of all gynecological cancers. That’s because there’s no screening test available and the signs are subtle, so it tends to be caught late. But symptoms do exist (see the list below), and when ovarian cancer is caught early, the 5-year survival rate is more than 90 percent. So women who listen to their bodies have a great shot at beating this deadly disease.

The featured speaker at today’s lunch was Shannon Miller, the most decorated gymnast in U.S. history and an ovarian cancer survivor who was diagnosed earlier this year at age 33. (That’s me towering over her in the picture.) Miller says she almost delayed going to her gynecologist for a checkup because, as a business owner and the mom of a toddler, she just didn’t have time. But something told her to make that checkup a priority. And, during a routine pelvic exam, her doctor found a baseball-sized tumor. It turned out to be malignant.

Keeping that appointment probably saved Miller’s life. Take care of yourself, she urged today. Make those appointments. As women and moms, we often put ourselves last. But Miller pointed out that you can’t take care of your loved ones if you aren’t healthy.

Talk to your doctor if you have the following symptoms for more than two weeks:

*bloating

*pelvic or abdominal pain

*trouble eating or feeling full quickly.

*Feeling the need to urinate urgently or often.

These symptoms are common and usually don’t mean ovarian cancer. So don’t freak yourself out! But do follow up with your doctor. And listen to my mom and to the NOCC: Listen to your body!

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Green Nail Polish and Gay Marriage

July 1, 2011 at 4:07 pm, by Louise Sloan

One day when I was about 16, my mom came into my bedroom and looked with horror at the skirt that was hanging on the back of my armchair. “Oh, no,” she said in a low voice that managed to communicate judgment and despair at the same time. “You’ve become one of those.”  She meant a hippie, druggie, unwashed alternative person. It was one of those wrap-around Indian-print skirts that, in the late ’70s, you could buy on streetcorners in New York. They were all the rage at my preppy, fairly conservative Southern high school. Having it in my bedroom meant I thought it was cool and wanted to fit in with the other girls. But my mom read an entire lifestyle into it.

I thought about that moment this week when a somewhat conservative male friend saw that my son’s toenails were Kermit the Frog green. I had gone to buy myself some shiny pink polish and my 5-year-old son had grabbed the green bottle and asked if he could have some, too. After pausing for a moment to calculate the risk factor, I’d said sure. It wasn’t a pink tutu. And given his current obsession with cars, trucks, guns, competing to see who’s fastest, and generally being stereotypically male in every way imaginable, I thought it was a nice change of pace.

“You let him wear nail polish?” my friend said, in a low voice, full of judgment. “A boy should not be wearing nail polish.”

“It’s just paint!” I said. “And it’s GREEN, for godsake. Don’t be silly.”

It was just after Gay Pride weekend in New York, where thousands were celebrating their new right to get legally married. And so my friend replied, “All those people in the street, representing their viewpoint. I gotta represent mine.”

Wow, back in the day, I became a drugged-out hippie with the purchase of one wrap-around skirt, and now, with just 10 swipes of a green brush, my  five-year-old son was on a path to get gay-married. (To Kermit, maybe?) Read more

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