Family

Can This Marriage Be Saved? He Cheats On Me During Business Trips

January 6, 2012 at 12:19 pm, by Lauren Piro

Did you read that headline and immediately say, “Whoa!”  So did I. Let’s dive right in and find out what was really going on with this couple, Pam, 40, and Jack, 42. And be sure to read the full story for even more details.

Her turn: Pam’s adult life was a challenge from the start. After growing up with an alcoholic mother, Pam found out she was pregnant at 17. She decided to keep the baby, Zoe, and marry the father, but that quickly turned disastrous—he was abusive and Pam eventually left him. But then things started to look up—she got her GED and met Jack in class. She thought he was charming and fun, and after two years they were happily married. Jack even adopted Zoe, and a few years later twin boys Sam and Max were born. At about that time, Pam took motherhood on by storm and Jack threw himself deeper into his work. Over time this caused tension—Pam appreciates that Jack provides for the family but he never spends time with them or helps out with parenting. And now she’s discovered the kicker. After answering his cell phone one day, she heard the voice of another woman. She confronted Jack and it all came pouring out—he’s been having one-night stands when he travels for business. He says they mean nothing, but can she ever trust him again?

Jack’s turn: Jack, too, had a rough childhood and an alcoholic mother, so when he met Pam and fell in love, he was delighted. He and Zoe hit it off, he was finally doing well in school, and before he knew it, they were married, he was a new dad, and he’d earned himself a great (though intense) job. He doesn’t know how he came to start cheating on his wife—it’s just something that happened. After working long days on his many business trips, he’d meet up with colleagues, have a little too much wine and well, one thing would lead to another. He’s filled with regret, but he’s not totally giving Pam a pass. He thinks she treats him like an outsider when it comes to raising the kids and criticizes him all the time. He feels like he comes in last, and he’d prefers to retreat into his work than argue. Still, he hopes Pam can find a way to forgive him so they can try working harder on their marriage.

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Resolving to be a Little More Selfish

January 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm, by Sue Erneta

As a busy mom with 2 young kids, a full time job and a long commute, I usually face January 1st with the following resolution: I’m doing the best I can. The fact that I can hold it together at all means I’m doing okay so this year I’m not resolving to change a thing.
Well this year, I’m making resolutions. And lots of them. And even though I’m a mom, none of them involve my kids. You see, that’s the problem. When your kids are young, you have to focus on them. But over the last few years, it’s the other things that have slipped: I haven’t been taking care of me. So, here are my 2012 resolutions. Wish me luck!
1) MY RELATIONSHIP RESOLUTION: More dates with my husband. Some couples have date night every week, we have it a few times a year. And that sucks. We’ve always chosen other things to spend our money on but we’re starting to realize how important it is to take time to…ya know…talk to each other. We’ve already had 2 (two!!) dinner dates since Christmas so we’re off to a good start.
2) MY WORK RESOLUTION: Write more blog posts. I’m supposed to write posts every week, alternating between mom blogs and fashion blogs but I certainly didn’t get them all in last year. I’m shooting for at least 52 this year and I’m also hoping to write a few that are out of my comfort zone – maybe a few posts about my home renovations and maybe a health post about resolution #3.
3) MY PERSONAL RESOLUTION: Get healthy. I know it’s cliche to list “losing weight” as a New Year’s resolution so I’m aiming instead for getting healthy (and hoping the weight lose comes with it.) Three years ago, I lost 35 pounds on Weight Watchers. Sure, I loved the compliments and I certainly was thrilled with the way my clothes looked but the best part was how healthy I felt. I had so much energy. Unfortunately, I’ve gained back about 25 pounds and I’m so angry with myself! So I’m switching a few things to get myself back on track: oatmeal for breakfast (goodbye bagel day at work!), drinking more water, walking the stairs in the subway instead of taking the escalator (all 120 of them at my local station) and finding healthier afternoon snacks instead of seeing what delicious baked goody our talented food editor has for us to sample today. And of course, portion control, portion control, portion control! I’ll also be tracking points on my Weight Watchers app and I’m hoping to take off 25 pounds by my 40th birthday in June.
Is anyone with me on this one?
4) MY BEAUTY RESOLUTION: Wash my face every night. I know it’s gross that I’m not doing this already but my aging skin is not looking good (you did notice that I boldly mentioned the big age milestone I’m hitting this year, right?) and I want to do anything I can to help it without needles and knives (for now at least).

So there you have my four big goals for 2012. I figure if I put them in writing, then I’ll be more apt to do them. What are you resolving to do? Write it in the comments and make it happen!

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Country Spotlight: Margaret Durante’s Nashville Diaries

December 22, 2011 at 3:07 pm, by Ron Kelly

I’ve been writing the Nashville Diaries blog for five months now and things are getting pretty serious between us, wouldn’t you say? I guess that means I can share a secret with you then: I cried when I watched Taylor Swift’s 60 Minutes special over Thanksgiving. I bawled like a little baby, wondering what had overcome me. I guess what overwhelmed me was the way she answered her questions with such poise, all the clips of young girls crying and screaming for her at her concerts, and ultimately my desire to someday affect people the same way she does.

Still, when I saw her at a Christmas party the other day I couldn’t bring myself to tell her how much she had inspired me, let alone even just introduce myself. I’m still wondering why I hesitated—and it’s not that I’m too cool for school (which, by the way, is overrated and dumb). I think it was just that I was afraid of bothering someone who probably hears praise like that all the time yet, when I think about it, that makes no sense at all. True, the saying goes, “If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all,” but I think there should also be a saying that goes, “If you have something nice to say, then by all means, say it!” Well, at least I’ve confessed my sob session to you all and I’ve put it out there in the universe. In the future, though, I’ll try to remember that it’s never inappropriate to pay someone a heartfelt compliment, and that applies to all times of the year, not just when spreading Christmas cheer! (Rhyming is cool.)

Truth be told, emotions always run a little high for me around the holidays. The music business winds down for a bit this time of year and I’m, of course, excited about the holidays but I’m also anxious to tie up various loose ends before everyone takes a break. Don’t even get me started on my tendency to procrastinate when it comes to Christmas shopping. Luckily I have two very proactive sisters who have helped me quickly and painlessly get the shopping done for my family.

So much has happened in the past months that it seems like Christmas has totally snuck up on me. I’m getting ready to put a single out in March (I can’t wait for you all to hear it!) and a full album shortly after, so I’ve been in the studio working on getting everything just right. I also recently opened for Jason Aldean during CMA week in downtown Nashville right by the Riverfront, which was … AWESOME! I’m a big Jason Aldean fan so it was so much fun to share the stage with him. We were promoting an AMC show called Hell on Wheels, which has some very ruggedly handsome men and a post Civil War revenge plot—juicy stuff! I attended the CMA awards the next day, which was fun and surreal. I also spent a day giving interviews to all the radio stations that had traveled to Nashville to broadcast from Music City during CMA week. And then, last but not least, the LHJ Nashville Diaries Sweepstakes winners—Angie and her 10-year-old nephew, Jake—visited me. We got to hang out in the studio and Jake laid down some smooth vocals on one of my new songs!

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Christmas Traditions

December 22, 2011 at 2:08 pm, by Sue Erneta

As much as I prefer summer to winter, I still can’t get enough of Christmas time. It’s the traditions – visiting Santa, finding the perfect gift, and baking cookies – that make this time of year feel so special. And getting to experience it all through the eyes of my kids is magical. Seriously, those two haven’t seen a Christmas light they don’t like while Ole Judgey over here (that’d be me) certainly oohs and aahs over the simple, clean white light displays, I also cringe and gasp over the ones with multiple colored flashing lights attached to plastic lawn ornaments. And that’s where my Christmas tree tastes come from. Let me explain:
For all the years I lived in NYC pre-Pablo I never got my own Christmas tree. (Jewish roommate + heading home for Christmas = just not worth it) I always hated the big colored bulbs my parents used and when I was an adult, my mom finally said “When you have your own tree, you can have whatever lights you want.” (Sounds a little snippy but this was only after I nagged her for years to switch to small white bulbs, so you could say I had it coming.)
When Pablo moved in with me, we got our first tree together. When we went to buy the lights, he grabbed for a box of multi-colored lights and I reached for a box of white ones. Um…was he crazy? How could I have not known this shocking personality flaw about the man that I love? You see, he wanted multi-colored because that’s what he always had in the Erneta house and I wanted white because it wasn’t what we had in the Owen house. So we decided that we would trade off each year. Since 2000, he gets the even years and I get the odd ones. (Looks like he won the first year which shows how young and smitten I was.) I figured this was a tradition that we would carry on for the rest of ours lives. Truth be told, Pablo does nothing to decorate the house for the holidays so I’m sure if the colored lights had some kind of tragic accident, no one would ever replace them.

But this year when we put the lights on the tree (my year, yay!), my 6 year old looked at me with sad eyes and asked why we didn’t have “the pretty lights with all different colors”. I re-explained the tradition and told her it was a “white lights” year. But, as I talked I could hear the cracks in my story. Why should Mommy and Daddy each get a vote if the kids don’t? That doesn’t seem fair. So, I fear this may be the last year of the white light tree.  Unless of course, the colored lights fall off a shelf in the attic. Nah – I wouldn’t do that. I’ve got to pick my battles and as long as the outside of the house is lit with white lights, I could maybe budge inside. I said maybe. Pablo keeps threatening to make the outside Griswold-esque and obviously, I couldn’t stand for that. Unless of course, he gets the kids on his side!

If you want to take a picture of your tree that’s all glowy and bright (and have a DSLR camera), check out this blog where I learned how to do it.

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Steal This Book! (From Your Daughter)

December 22, 2011 at 11:03 am, by Ladies' Lounge

Maybe it started when you read to your kids from their Harry Potter books before bed—and caught yourself reading ahead long after they were asleep. Or maybe you swoon when you hear the name Edward Cullen (no shame in that!). Or maybe you’re more excited for the upcoming Hunger Games movie than your Katniss-loving teenager. In short, young adult books aren’t just for young adults anymore.

We asked our friends at Figment, an online community that lets teens and young adults create, discover and share their own original fiction, to recommend 10 books to snag from your teen’s bookshelf and dive into together—or  separately.

 1.       Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler If your daughter liked Handler’s Series of Unfortunate Events (written under pen name Lemony Snicket) this more grown-up offering—an artsy, intellectual, bittersweet take on teenage heartbreak—is sure to please you both.

2.       How to Save A Life by Sara Zarr When a pregnant teen and a mourning mother-daughter pair collide, they find healing in unexpected ways.

3.       Dead End in Norvelt by Jack Gantos This is a fun read. It’s an unexpected mix of the absolutely true (there are pieces of autobiography scattered throughout) and the absolutely ludicrous, and a great family commentary that’s smart and hilarious enough to appeal to both you and your daughter.

4.       Catching Jordan by Miranda Kenneally If your daughter’s the type of girl who refuses to be relegated to one of the over-simplified, mutually exclusive roles of “girly-girl” or “tomboy,” she’ll love this novel about teenage Jordan Woods, captain and quarterback of her high school’s football team. Also recommended for anyone mourning Friday Night Lights.

5.       You Are My Only by Beth Kephart A little creepy and a lot moving. Told from the alternating perspectives of a mother and her kidnapped daughter, You Are My Only is a story of family, love and finding oneself.

6.       Cleopatra’s Moon by Vicky Alvear Shecter If you’re enjoying Stacy Schiff’s Cleopatra in your own book club, this fictional take on one of history’s most fascinating women will make a nice diversion to share with your daughter.

7.       When She Woke by Hillary Jordan A much more fun version of Hawthorne’s classic, The Scarlet Letter—and a fantastic opener for a discussion of reproductive rights with your daughter.

8.       Chime by Franny Billingsley A National Book Award finalist and a beautifully written mystery, this novel about a guilt-ridden teenage witch is especially good for fans of fantasy.

9.       The Fault in Our Stars by John Green NYT bestselling author Green offers a poignant tale of living while dying—meaningful YA fare to share with a teen you love.

10.   Beauty Queens by Libba Bray For any mom worried about the media’s effect on her daughter’s body image—and for any daughter tired of lectures about “realistic standards of beauty”—this is a scathing, laugh-out-loud read.

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Martina McBride Lends Her Voice To “A Home for the Holidays” Adoption Special

December 20, 2011 at 2:24 pm, by Ron Kelly

If you drew Martina McBride’s name in the country music superstar Secret Santa and you need a last-minute gift idea, I’m so about to hook you up. “Everybody always says I’m hard to buy for, and I’m not,” McBride tells me. “Just give me bath stuff and candles, and I’m happy!”

What would probably make the Grammy-nominated country singer even happier this holiday season, though, is if you tuned in to the 13th annual A Home for the Holidays this Wednesday, December 21, on CBS. “I was really honored to be asked to do this,” says McBride, who will be hosting and helping the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption and the Children’s Action Network shine a light on the more than half a million U.S. children in foster care in need of a permanent home. “It’s a really important show that is literally making a difference to future generations,” she adds, noting that some parents featured on this week’s show had been inspired to adopt from watching prior A Home for the Holidays installments.

The fact that McBride and her husband, John, are blessed to have a family with three beautiful daughters (Ava, 6, Emma, 13, and Delaney, who turns 17 this week) was specifically one of the reasons why hosting this year was important to her. “We kind of take family for granted sometimes,” she explains. “I mean, we decorated our Christmas tree last night and halfway through it I thought, think of all the kids out there that don’t have a family to decorate a Christmas tree with. And yet we take it for granted. We do it every year—it’s a tradition. It really makes you stop and think.”

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Can This Marriage Be Saved? He Used To Be A Hunk. Now He’s A Whiner.

December 16, 2011 at 3:24 pm, by Lauren Piro

Here’s a couple with a head-scratching dilemma: Glenn, 47, has never wanted anything more than to be a stay-at-home dad. And when his wife, Sheila, 45, had twins three years ago, he got his wish. Glenn quit his job to raise his kids, and Sheila spends her days as a business executive, but still dedicates time to cooking wonderful gourmet meals for her family. And Glenn is quite ticked off about that. Huh? Read on; it’s more complicated than it seems. And pick up our December/January issue for the full story, on newsstands now.

Sheila’s turn: All Sheila wants to do after a long day at the office is come home, hug her kids and cook her family a healthy and tasty meal. She wishes that Glenn would appreciate her efforts, but no. He complains that they’re spending too much money on food; Sheila thinks they’d be eating PB&J’s for dinner if it were up to her husband. When they got married, Glenn was intelligent, rugged and ambitious, but now he just whines all the time. Sheila isn’t sure he realized how overwhelming parenting would be, and it shows. The house is a pigsty, he makes lame excuses to avoid doing things he once loved (like mountain biking), and he’s constantly negative. Maybe he’s jealous that Sheila gets to be out doing fulfilling work everyday? Whatever it is, the tension is at an all-time high, and Sheila is losing her patience.

Glenn’s turn: Glenn really hates Sheila’s gourmet cooking habit, but not because he dislikes good food (duh). He’d rather she come home to chat and unwind with him, not spend two hours over the stove while he’s stuck parenting alone. He has long days too—kids aren’t a cakewalk!—and also knows they need to curb their spending on non-essential fancy meals and hobbies like his mountain biking. Now he just avoids his wife to avoid a fight, so Sheila thinks he’s always off sulking somewhere alone. Glenn’s glad Sheila’s given him the opportunity to watch his kids grow up, and is actually happy with his new job as dad, but still feels short-changed. He’s constantly making sure everyone’s needs are met, but Sheila only blows up at him when he mentions what’s bothering him.

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