Bathroom Humor: 50 Jokes to Crack You Up
11. A homeless guy came up to me on the street and said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."
12. The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.
13. I would imagine the wages of sin are death. But by the time they take taxes out it's just kind of a tired feeling.
14. There's one food I won't eat, which is the hot dog at the movie theater, because I feel like there's no USDA preparation guidelines for this meat. They used to be impaled on spears rotating inside a Timex case. Suddenly, that's gone -- replaced by the foot massage, log roll jamboree. And they never look like they're cooking. They just look like they're sweating.
15. I really hope cell phones aren't bad for us, but I would like the excuse: "I can't talk right now. You're giving me cancer."
16. One time I went to Bed Bath & Beyond and I didn't have a coupon. People talked about me in line. "He doesn't have a coupon. Is he all right? You don't think he's dangerous, do you?" One lady felt sorry for me. "You don't have a coupon? Do you know how to get home? Is your name in your jacket?"
17. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.
18. A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, "Doc, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken." The doctor says, "Why don't you turn him in?" The guy says, "We would. But we need the eggs."
19. A burrito is a sleeping bag for ground beef.
20. I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, "Whoa, I'm way too high!"