Bathroom Humor: 50 Jokes to Crack You Up
21. Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You'll realize this as soon as they are born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.
22. In the beginning there was nothing. God said, "Let there be light!" And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
23. There is one thing I would break up over and that is if she caught me with another woman. I wouldn't stand for that.
24. I think it'd be great if you had a kid that ended up being pope. That would be the ultimate bragging rights. "Oh, your son's a doctor? Yeah, ours is pope. Oh, they have a house? He has his own city."
25. I have girlfriends who will text message naked photos of themselves to their man. Which, I guess the whole point of that is to be like, "Here's what's waiting for you at home, big boy." If I was to do a "here's what's waiting for you at home" photo shoot, I would take some pictures of the frigging dishes, the bills right now. My vagina's not waiting for you at home at all!
26. I am in a fantastic mood tonight. I'm wearing a new perfume that I should recommend to the women in the audience. It's called "Tester."
27. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
28. An escalator can never break -- it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."
29. Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings... and lawyers.
30. My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.