Talk Dirty to Me
What's the best trick for heating things up in the bedroom? That little thing you do with your mouth. You know, talking. Experts agree: Words that could make a pillow blush can transform your sex life -- and maybe even your LIFE life.
"'Talking sexy' is simply a special way to talk to your partner," says Aline P. Zoldbrod, PhD, author of Sex Talk: Uncensored Exercises for Exploring What Really Turns You On (New Harbinger, 2002), noting that "sexy" words aren't just the "dirty" ones. "Sexy talk can be a 'normal' thought said in a seductive way, a compliment, even sounds like moans or sighs. It doesn't even have to be in bed," she says. "Talking sexy during everyday life creates a romantic, sensual, emotionally charged atmosphere."
Just ask, well, men. "In bed, 'talking dirty' is one of my favorite things to do -- and hear," says Ted, 34, of Weston, Massachusetts. "I get a wild feeling from thinking, 'See that woman I married, who'll be the mother of my children? The mouth on her!"
No matter how explicitly you express yourself, says Zoldbrod, "men like to know you're excited -- it makes them feel like good lovers. They like to feel that you're actively involved in what you're doing together."
What can get in the way, though, is the persistent notion that women aren't supposed to be "outspoken" -- especially about sex. "If they call Teresa Heinz Kerry 'opinionated' because she has opinions, how can you feel comfortable voicing your sexiest thoughts -- even to your partner?" asks psychotherapist Sharyn Wolf, author of How to Stay Lovers for Life (Plume, 1998).
We've been conditioned to talk "clean" -- but we can be reconditioned. "I was a reluctant dirty-talker until I realized how effective it was with my boyfriend," says Monica, 39, of Saratoga Springs, New York. "He likes to whisper things when we're out in public. The first time I did it to him; he couldn't wait to leave the party. Knowing we're both free to say what we want creates a new electricity between us."