Talk Dirty to Me
10 Tips to Dirty Talk
Ready to talk the dirty talk, but not sure where to start? There's no pressure to be fluent right away. "It may not just come automatically," says Wolf. "You're learning a new language." But practice can make passionate, as William, 34, of Woodside, California, attests: "I've known many women -- including my wife -- who say, "I feel silly talking dirty," but then within minutes sound like a 1-900 operator." Here are some great ways to get started:
- "Start thinking about more explicit sexual words and phrases that describe how you would like to be touched during lovemaking, and make a list of sexual words that you feel comfortable with," says Zoldbrod. ("I'm still in the market for a good verb," says Emilia, 40, of New York, New York.)
- Say phrases you find sexy in front of a mirror. Even if you crack yourself up, you'll get more comfortable.
- "Practice flirting with your loved one, verbally and with touch," says Zoldbrod. "Imagine asking for favors, sexual and nonsexual, using a soft, sexy voice. Start telling him, at least once a day, two things you appreciate about him -- in that special tone of voice."
- Read erotica, first to yourself and eventually to him, suggests Barbach. "This gives you practice with the vocabulary and lets you see how your partner responds," she says.
- If you're inspired, write your own erotica -- perhaps the fantasies that you've imagined but never shared -- and read that to your partner.
- Maybe you wouldn't talk that way...but a sexy showgirl or naughty nurse might! Imagine what she would say -- and improvise that R-rated script with your partner. "Play-acting can help you feel more comfortable trying on new roles," says Barbach.
- Start by "narrating what's happening," says Wolf. Saying "I love that," or "That feels amazing" is a way of talking sexy without having to be explicit.
- Leave sexy notes for your partner in his briefcase, on the mirror, under the pillow to sexually super-charge the atmosphere.
- Try phone sex, or at least explicit flirting on the phone before you see each other. The distance might be liberating -- and the homecoming hot.
- Above all, work to "create an open, warm, sensual relationship with your partner, so that you feel safe with him," says Zoldbrod. Safety first -- then dirty!