Free Yourself from Fear

Fake It to Make It

In this first phony-baloney way of living, you feel as though you are masquerading and are just one step away from being found out. Your decisions aren't made in order to grow or explore life, they are all about self-preservation and security. You don't aim to win; your goal becomes simply to not lose. This kind of decision-making is based on avoidance rather than desire.

Maybe you endured abuse from emotionally draining people in your life because you thought they wouldn't love you if you didn't, and you decided it's better to put up with them than be alone. Maybe you've been the dutiful wife to your husband, moving to a town you don't want to live in, spending time with people you can't stand -- all to help him get ahead. Or maybe you've been the obedient adult child or employee, following the party line to keep the peace and believing that you are only allowed to "stay" so long as you don't require much (if anything at all) from those in your life. You know, things like them giving you a vote in what happens to you, treating you with dignity and respect, or being sensitive to what you want or need.

The problem is that on some level it must have worked for you -- maybe you thought it was worth living a lie to have that false sense of security in your marriage or job, or maybe you faked it so long and so well that you began to believe the lie.