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A flustered father called the Talk-Line a few hours after his wife had given birth to their first child. He was concerned their turkey had been thawing in the fridge for too long while he was at the hospital. When the staffer asked the man how much it weighed, he replied, "The turkey or the baby?" After determining the turkey's weight and thawing time, she assured him he would be able to deliver a safe, delicious Thanksgiving dinner by the time Mom and the baby returned home.State Bird
When a Talk-Line staffer asked a caller what state her turkey was in -- meaning how thawed was it -- the caller responded, "Florida."Turkey Treasure
After discovering a turkey from 1969 in his dad's freezer, an Alabama man called the Talk-Line to ask about the best way to cook the 30+ year-old bird. Although the Talk-Line staffer recommended the open roasting pan method to cook most turkeys, she also suggested that the first step might be to purchase a fresher fowl! Also in the man's freezer: the top of his wedding cake, and a snowball from every snowstorm he'd experienced in Alabama.Third Time's a Charm
One caller was well-versed at walking down the aisle, but not so adept when it came to cooking her Thanksgiving turkey. The caller explained that Thanksgiving with her first husband was a bust since she forgot to thaw the turkey. She blundered Thanksgiving with her second husband when the foil pan she was using bent and slipped out of her hands, leaving the feast on the floor. She was hoping Thanksgiving with her third husband would fare better, so she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line to make sure she was doing everything right!Upside-Down Turkey Surprise
A disappointed woman called wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. After a conversation with a Talk-Line operator, it became apparent that the woman's turkey was lying on the table upside down.
A newlywed couple's parents arrived for their first Thanksgiving meal. One of the dads noticed the turkey thawing in the sink, with a dish drainer and a rubber mat resting on top of it. Her dad inquired why she was thawing the turkey that way. She said that that was the way her mom always thawed the bird. The mother said, "Well, yes, but you don't have a cat who's going to try to eat it!"Frozen Turkey
A woman from Colorado called to get advice on how to thaw her frozen turkey. She proudly shared the fact that her turkey was stored in a snow bank outside! But it had snowed again the night before, and it dawned on her that she didn't have a clue which snow bank her turkey was in. At that point, she ended the conversation to go find her turkey.It's a Wrap
A proud gentleman called to tell the staff how he wrapped his turkey in a towel and stomped on it several times, breaking the bones so it would fit in his pan.Carving the Turkey
Another gentleman called to tell the operator he cut his turkey in half with a chain saw and wanted to know if the oil from the chain would adversely affect the turkey.All in the Family
A woman cooking Thanksgiving dinner for the first time called for help because her mother said she was tired of cooking, and it was time her daughter learned how to prepare the Thanksgiving meal. The woman was in her 70s.
Originally published on LHJ.com, November 2008.