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You know you've imagined it: You're picking out shower curtain rings when a deep, accented voice asks, "Pardon me, but do you know what I'd use this for?" It's Colin Farrell, holding a back massager with a naughty glint in his eyes. "I'm passing through -- filming a movie here, and I'm terribly bored. Would you mind showing me the hot spots? Of your town, of course..."
All right, cool your jets -- for now. Sexual fantasies are great; not only that, they're normal. Sandor Gardos, PhD, a sex educator who imparts his wisdom on the Web site mypleasure.com, is as passionate about this subject as he is about, well, sex.
"Fantasies are a safe way to explore things that you might not want to do," he insists. "People loved watching The Italian Job -- does that mean they all wanted to be international thieves? No. It's the same way with sexual fantasies: The images that float through your mind are just a safe way to add variety to your lovemaking."
Whether you keep fantasies to yourself or share them with your partner is your business. "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite," Gardos says, "as long as you go home for dinner." Marie, 28, from Huntington, New York, agrees: "I have this recurring fantasy about being totally overpowered by one of those guys from the World Wrestling Federation," she says. "I wouldn't tell my husband -- what a blow to his ego that would be! But sometimes, I do let my mind wander, and he gets the benefits."
"I like to imagine that we've got a second woman in bed with us," says Eleanor, 32, from Washington, D.C. "I thought that would shock my guy -- or that he'd want to go out and pick up a stripper. But once we talked about it, I found I could bring that fantasy into bed with us. I'll whisper into his ear the things she's doing to him while I'm doing my thing. It really drives him wild."
You can even act out your fantasy -- within reason -- by doing something called role-playing. "I dug out my old school uniform and wrote a fake letter from my 'teacher' telling my husband I'd been a very bad student," says Angela, 29, from Chicago. "I handed it to him and let him 'punish' me -- it was silly and fun."
The operative word is "fun." See the other ways you can free your mind, and let your sex life follow.
The element of surprise: it's the most important tool you have. Remind your man that you're still a spontaneous vixen, and he'll be all over you. Try these on for size:
Would you like to let loose -- but you just don't know how? You're not alone. A lot of women feel like it's not proper, and many others worry that their hubbies will be shocked or amused by their newfound naughtiness. Your best bet is to start slow, and do things that really thrill you (not what you think you're supposed to do). Remember, sex is supposed to be fun, and the more you play with it, the more alluring new frisky facets you'll find in yourself.
Try these tips to let out your inner vixen:
Great news: You're not the only one with clandestine desires and a whole other life behind closed doors. Take a look at these anecdotes (names have been changed!) detailing the daring doings of normal, everyday folk. Next time you're at the grocery store, take a look around. Who knows what all your fellow shoppers are really thinking about!
"I like to think about making love with a woman sometimes. I used to worry about that -- I thought it meant I was a lesbian, and I was pretty ashamed of it for a long time. Then I realized how common it is, and I stopped worrying -- and started enjoying!" -- Laura, 35, Kansas City, Kansas
"My fantasies get really elaborate. I have these scenarios where I see my wife -- who's normally the passive one in our relationship -- in a position of power over me. It's just for fun. I'd never act on it." -- Emilio, 36, Phoenix, Arizona
"Our living room has a huge wall that is all mirrors. We move the couch some nights and go for every position on the floor and are creative with the coffee table. I go over the edge every time I see us in the mirror. Afterwards, we picnic on the floor, naked, with blanket and all." -- Janet, 25, Miami, Florida
"Friday is when the kids go to my mom's house, and my husband and I have date-night. It's also when I can let go and rattle the roof with my moans and groans without worrying they'll hear it and freak out. I hope the neighbors aren't on to us!" -- Michelle, 29, Old Saybrook, Connecticut
"My guy has a real thing for my backside. So when we've got a night alone, I put on too-short shorts -- ones I could never wear out -- and bring him his dinner dressed like a real tart. Something about the combo of mundane housework and dirty-girl nakedness pushes him over the edge, and we rarely make it through the meal without a little intermission." -- Clara, 32, Mount Airy, Pennsylvania