Sexual Fantasies

Dream On

You know you've imagined it: You're picking out shower curtain rings when a deep, accented voice asks, "Pardon me, but do you know what I'd use this for?" It's Colin Farrell, holding a back massager with a naughty glint in his eyes. "I'm passing through -- filming a movie here, and I'm terribly bored. Would you mind showing me the hot spots? Of your town, of course..."

All right, cool your jets -- for now. Sexual fantasies are great; not only that, they're normal. Sandor Gardos, PhD, a sex educator who imparts his wisdom on the Web site mypleasure.com, is as passionate about this subject as he is about, well, sex.

"Fantasies are a safe way to explore things that you might not want to do," he insists. "People loved watching The Italian Job -- does that mean they all wanted to be international thieves? No. It's the same way with sexual fantasies: The images that float through your mind are just a safe way to add variety to your lovemaking."

Whether you keep fantasies to yourself or share them with your partner is your business. "It doesn't matter where you get your appetite," Gardos says, "as long as you go home for dinner." Marie, 28, from Huntington, New York, agrees: "I have this recurring fantasy about being totally overpowered by one of those guys from the World Wrestling Federation," she says. "I wouldn't tell my husband -- what a blow to his ego that would be! But sometimes, I do let my mind wander, and he gets the benefits."

"I like to imagine that we've got a second woman in bed with us," says Eleanor, 32, from Washington, D.C. "I thought that would shock my guy -- or that he'd want to go out and pick up a stripper. But once we talked about it, I found I could bring that fantasy into bed with us. I'll whisper into his ear the things she's doing to him while I'm doing my thing. It really drives him wild."

You can even act out your fantasy -- within reason -- by doing something called role-playing. "I dug out my old school uniform and wrote a fake letter from my 'teacher' telling my husband I'd been a very bad student," says Angela, 29, from Chicago. "I handed it to him and let him 'punish' me -- it was silly and fun."

The operative word is "fun." See the other ways you can free your mind, and let your sex life follow.

Shock Value

The element of surprise: it's the most important tool you have. Remind your man that you're still a spontaneous vixen, and he'll be all over you. Try these on for size:

• Leave a message on his cell phone when he's on the way home from work -- informing him that the kids are at the sitter's, and you're upstairs in the bathtub.
• Create coupons for "one long, luscious kiss," "a below-the-belt treat," and other sexy gifts, and give them to him in a book. Let him redeem him whenever he wants!
• Rent a movie -- but instead of 2 Fast 2 Furious, make a more daring choice, like Belle Epoque (Penelope Cruz and a bevy of Spanish hotties), Femme Fatale (Antonio Banderas and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos get steamy), or Henry & June (naughty memoir of Anais Nin). These mainstream movies with sensuous scenes should give him ideas!
• Have some photos taken of you -- the boudoir kind! (If there are no nearby studios that do that, try snapping some bold Polaroids.) Slip them into his pocket, and await his response.
• Tell him he's getting a massage. Rub him down with handfuls of moisturizer -- back and front.
• Transform your bedroom into a boudoir with the help of satin sheets, velvety pillows, and bits of fur and feathers for tickling and touching.
• When he's leaving for work, whisper that you can't wait for him to come home, because he looks so hot in those chinos -- and let his imagination go into all-day overdrive.
• Lingerie, lingerie, lingerie.
• Get a clear shower curtain (get rid of that silly old flowered thing) so he can catch a blurry image of you, slick with soap.
• Skip the pajamas -- slip into bed wearing nothing but your skin and a drop of perfume.

Learn to Let Loose

Would you like to let loose -- but you just don't know how? You're not alone. A lot of women feel like it's not proper, and many others worry that their hubbies will be shocked or amused by their newfound naughtiness. Your best bet is to start slow, and do things that really thrill you (not what you think you're supposed to do). Remember, sex is supposed to be fun, and the more you play with it, the more alluring new frisky facets you'll find in yourself.

Try these tips to let out your inner vixen:

1. Get to know yourself. Your self. Yes, we're talking about masturbation: Peaking when you're alone will keep you feeling sexy when he's around.
2. Share the wealth -- of knowledge. Pay attention to what you do to yourself, and gently teach your man the same techniques. Communicate in a positive way: instead of "Quit rubbing like that, I'm not a chalkboard!" try "I love it when you stroke me this way."
3. Relax. Experts note that we women tend to hold our breaths when things get hot and heavy. Do some deep-breathing as you get more and more turned on, and you'll reach new levels of pleasure.
4. Talk dirty. You don't have to be wild and wicked off the bat -- start by letting yourself make more noise, moaning and sighing out loud. Then say "that feels good" when it does. Ask him for more feedback, too. Then name the things that feel good. Keep going...
5. See yourself differently. As you go through your day -- and especially as you're getting hot-and-heavy -- secretly visualize yourself as Lara Croft or Samantha from Sex and the City. This will help you shake your self-proscribed role and lower your inhibitions.
6. Share a book of sex tips with your mate. Grab a copy of the good old Joy of Sex, or explore other options by authors like Olivia St. Clare or Lisa Sussman. Mark things that seem interesting with pink Post-its -- then leave it on his night table with a pack of blue Post-its, for him to do the same. Discuss your choices and try some of them out together.
7. Wear sexy underwear -- all the time, not just when you're planning a special night. Your secret dainty underthings will make you feel desirable all day, and remind you that you're a wild woman, in addition to all those other roles in your daily life.
8. Look at yourself naked. Stop getting mad at the parts you don't like -- concentrate on the beautiful bits of you, and celebrate them. Say, "My curves are sexy. My skin is soft. My shoulders just beg to be nibbled on." Keep up the encouragement, and learn to listen to your kind words. The result? A stronger, more confident, and therefore sexier self.
9. Let there be light. Ah-ah-ah! Don't you dare turn off that light before you make love. Instead, throw a red scarf over the lampshade to create a soft glow. Now, keep your eyes open and watch your bodies entwine together. See how much pleasure he gets from your touch. Oh -- you really are a vixen!
10. Dance, touch, talk. Sex isn't just about what you do in bed. It's about communication and sensuality throughout your day. Taking a spicy salsa-dance class can get you and your man hot and bothered, or just make you laugh at yourselves and have fun. Touching him with affection can boost your tactile titillation. All that stuff will make your nighttime cuddles all the more romantic -- and randy.

Gals Share Secrets

Great news: You're not the only one with clandestine desires and a whole other life behind closed doors. Take a look at these anecdotes (names have been changed!) detailing the daring doings of normal, everyday folk. Next time you're at the grocery store, take a look around. Who knows what all your fellow shoppers are really thinking about!

"I like to think about making love with a woman sometimes. I used to worry about that -- I thought it meant I was a lesbian, and I was pretty ashamed of it for a long time. Then I realized how common it is, and I stopped worrying -- and started enjoying!" -- Laura, 35, Kansas City, Kansas

"My fantasies get really elaborate. I have these scenarios where I see my wife -- who's normally the passive one in our relationship -- in a position of power over me. It's just for fun. I'd never act on it." -- Emilio, 36, Phoenix, Arizona

"Our living room has a huge wall that is all mirrors. We move the couch some nights and go for every position on the floor and are creative with the coffee table. I go over the edge every time I see us in the mirror. Afterwards, we picnic on the floor, naked, with blanket and all." -- Janet, 25, Miami, Florida

"Friday is when the kids go to my mom's house, and my husband and I have date-night. It's also when I can let go and rattle the roof with my moans and groans without worrying they'll hear it and freak out. I hope the neighbors aren't on to us!" -- Michelle, 29, Old Saybrook, Connecticut

"My guy has a real thing for my backside. So when we've got a night alone, I put on too-short shorts -- ones I could never wear out -- and bring him his dinner dressed like a real tart. Something about the combo of mundane housework and dirty-girl nakedness pushes him over the edge, and we rarely make it through the meal without a little intermission." -- Clara, 32, Mount Airy, Pennsylvania