"He's Jealous of My Success"

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Her Turn, continued

"The truth is, I enjoy my work. I'm now manager of sales and I coordinate a staff of over one hundred people. Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to make a lot of money and be a success. My mother is my role model--she's a very strong, loving woman who raised six kids on her salary as a loan officer at a bank. My father, who passed away five years ago, spent his career in the army, but he was also an alcoholic--and an abusive one at that--who squandered his pension on booze. He was totally unreliable, and Mother should have left him years ago. They used to have these loud and ugly fights, but we're good Catholics, and even our local priest reminded her that she had married for better or worse, so she had to make the best of it.

"I'm afraid my marriage is falling into the same pattern as my parents'. I don't mean to say that Seth is drinking; but I do feel as if the whole burden of providing for this family is on my shoulders. As busy as I am, I've tried to stay involved in as many of the kids' activities as I can. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't have plenty of regrets. Seth may fall down in the chores department, but when it comes to being there emotionally for the kids, he is great. I know they feel closer to him than to me--and yes, I suppose I am jealous about that. It hurts when Tyler runs to him with a problem, or when I have to miss Kylie's school play. But I do think that sometimes Seth is selfish and inconsiderate, hoarding the kids from me and making me feel even more left out.

"He also does a lot of grumbling that I'm spending too much time at work. Doesn't he understand the commitments I have? If I don't work hard, I'll never get ahead, and then where will we be financially?

"We have no relationship anymore. Our sex life disappeared months ago. We're both furious and unhappy. You know, Seth initially refused to come for counseling. He thinks it's a sign of weakness, that you're stigmatized for life if you need therapy. I had to give him an ultimatum because I can't imagine living this kind of life for the next twenty years. We're not friends anymore, we're not lovers anymore. We never talk. It's hard to even remember why we got married in the first place."

Continued on page 3:  His Turn


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