"I Want to Feel Closer to Him"
His Turn"Why Do We Have to Do Everything Together?"
"Megan is the most important person in the world to me," said Tom, 48, who is tall with sandy hair. "I admire her intelligence; I enjoy her high energy and dry humor. But I liked the weekends-only arrangement we had before we married; in fact, I could have just dated her for the rest of my life. I don't need intense daily emotional or physical intimacy with anyone -- not even the woman I love.
"I didn't deliberately set up boundaries when we got married; they evolved naturally. Look, I'm not trying to hurt or change Megan. For example, I don't criticize her spending habits, but if we commingled our incomes, I'd feel compelled to monitor her spending, and I don't want to do that. I don't berate Megan for snoring, but since I'm a light sleeper, the best solution is separate bedrooms. It also doesn't bother me that we have different tastes in TV. Why do we have to do everything together?
"As for sex, Megan's drive always has been stronger than mine, but even so, my desire waned after she gained weight. I don't mean to be unkind, but I'm just not as attracted to Megan as I was when we were dating, and besides, sex isn't that important to me. I'd never ask her to diet for me. I don't want to control Megan; I accept her for who she is. But I don't want her to control me, either."I Wasn't the Marrying Kind"
"I was the youngest of four. My father was a stern Marine sergeant; my mother was a doting housewife. I didn't have a close relationship with Dad, who dictated everything that we did as a family -- where we vacationed, when we ate dinner, what we watched on TV. I got along better with Mom, who appreciated my humor.
"When I met Megan, I was instantly attracted to her. She was the smartest woman I'd ever met, and she made me laugh. I looked forward to our weekends together, but I still didn't see myself as the marrying kind. I was initially surprised when she gave me her marry-me ultimatum.