"Living Together Was So Much Easier Than Being Married"

Her Turn, continued

"It never used to be this way. Josh and I both grew up near Boston. My father was a high-powered lawyer. My mother was a traditional homemaker, the kind who had a hot, four-course meal on the table no matter what time Dad got home. There wasn't a whole lot of fun in our family, and there was plenty of criticism: When I gained 20 pounds after my freshman year in college, Dad said, 'Your rear is as big as a barn door.' To this day, if I'm not wearing lipstick, my mother will point it out.

"I was expected to achieve and I did. I studied hard, played lacrosse and field hockey. After college, I returned to Boston for business school and met Josh through a mutual friend. There were instant sparks. 

"We dated for six years before moving in together, which I saw as a step toward marriage. By this time, I was an associate at an investment bank and he was working with foster kids. Living together was easy. We had a two-bedroom condo and we shared expenses equally. Same with chores and errands. Miraculously, stuff got done with few arguments. I don't even remember if he folded the towels back then. But I do know we never fought about them.

"One thing that did upset me was that Josh kept putting off getting married. He kept saying he 'wasn't ready.' At one point, we even broke up for three months, and I moved back home. I think that made us miss each other even more, and finally he proposed. We happily made wedding plans while he applied to grad school and we figured out where we wanted to live. Denver seemed perfect: He was accepted to grad school there, and I was offered a wonderful job.

"But while Josh slipped effortlessly into his new life, things have been going downhill for me. If something doesn't change soon, I'm not sure I want to be married anymore."