"My Husband Is Ashamed of Me"

His Turn

"I don't know what's gone so wrong with Adrienne and me," says Bob, 39, a tall, thin man. "She makes me sounds like the most horrible, abusive husband. Well, I'm hurt and angry, too. We used to be so close, and we hardly ever fought. I thought everything was perfect.

"I don't think I've changed. I think she has. Adrienne has gained a lot of weight, and yes, I care about what she looks like. Call me superficial, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit it. Maybe it's because of my job. There's an edge to the way the women at work dress, and I guess I'd like my wife to be a little more hip.

"But Adrienne's attitude bothers me more than her appearance. I don't talk to her about work because she dissects everything I say or do. Maybe I just want to have someone listen to me ramble, instead of telling me how much I screwed up and what I need to fix.

"I guess we had different ideas about how our life would work out. When Adrienne said she wanted to be with the kids, I assumed that meant she'd also handle things at home. As the sole breadwinner, I have to pour all my energies into my job. I work in a highly competitive field-- I'm talking 60- or 70-hour weeks-- and it's frustrating to get home late to a messy house, dinner that's half-cooked and a pouty wife.

"Don't misunderstand; I'm not a male chauvinist. I don't expect Adrienne to drop everything and get my slippers and pipe. But I do feel that if I'm busting my butt all day, she should be taking care of the details around the house. I want to be able to relax and enjoy her company when I'm home.