"My Husband Nags Me About Being Overweight"

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His Turn, continued

"Like Sherry said, we clicked right away. Sherry is smart and we shared the same values. But she's reserved, holds a lot of things inside and stands on ceremony. I don't understand that; if I'm upset about something, I discuss it. How else can you work it out? Sherry closes off until she blows. 

"I wish she'd be more affectionate. There are many days when I wonder if she really cares about me at all. Okay, I went overboard about my shirts the other day, but the point is, she doesn't appreciate a lot of the things that are important to me. I'm not a neatness nut, but I like the house to be straightened up. And I like to sit down together for a nice dinner, not eat in shifts, catch-as-catch can. 

"Her thoughtlessness also gets to me. I once sent beautiful tulips to her office for our anniversary and, instead of bringing them home over the weekend, she left them there. She said it was too hard to carry them on the train. But when her boss gave her flowers to celebrate the completion of a big project, she managed to lug them home. 

"I comment about her weight because I love and care about her. As a child, my mother always worried and looked out for her family's well-being -- I'm doing the same thing, but Sherry takes what I say all wrong. Since the whole point of therapy is to be honest, I have to say that yes, Sherry's weight is a sexual turn-off. I was always attracted to thin women and, when we first met, Sherry was probably the thinnest she's been in years. But she hasn't mentioned that, many times, she's just not in the mood for lovemaking. She's tired, she's stressed out, she just wants to go to sleep. 

"If we didn't have a child, I might have moved out a while ago. Living like strangers is not a marriage."

Continued on page 5:  The Counselor's Turn


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