"Our Son Is Off to War and It's Tearing Us Apart!"

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Her Turn, continued

"These days, neither of us can control our tempers. Something will set us off and we'll spend the night arguing -- something we never used to do. I fell in love with Charlie because he was easygoing and fun, whether we were skiing, mountain biking, or playing Scrabble. But to be honest, I don't enjoy being with him anymore, and I think he feels the same way about me. Recently I planned a weekend in Aspen, thinking it would be a romantic getaway. But instead of going hiking with me, Charlie went off by himself to read, disappearing for hours. I was enraged.

"At home, he disapproves of everything I do. A few months ago, we agreed to renovate the kitchen. I was excited to have a project to work on together, but after an hour in Home Depot, he asked me to handle it. I didn't mind doing all the work but hated his nightly criticisms: The cabinets don't line up, the countertops should be granite, not slate. He never once offered praise.

"When your daily interactions are mostly negative, good feelings are hard to come by. The news about Sean's leaving has made things even worse. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but that's like ignoring a two-ton elephant in your living room. The situation in Iraq gets worse by the day. But if I start to talk to Charlie about my fears, he cuts me off: 'We discussed this already! Let's move on.' But if I can't talk to my husband about our son going to war, who can I talk to?

"We both support Sean's decision; on that we've never disagreed. But our marriage feels dead. I don't want a divorce -- we have so much history -- but I can't continue this way."

Continued on page 3:  His Turn


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