"The Kids Are Gone and We're Strangers"

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She Says, continued

"But as the kids got older and wanted to spend more time with their friends and less with us, I sensed that Phil and I were drifting apart. Our lovemaking was less passionate, and we rarely had the deep conversations we once thrived on. When I tried to discuss this, Phil brushed me off. 

"Everyone thinks Phil is the nicest guy, and with other people, he is. But with me, he'll rant for hours. The night I forgot to turn off the car headlights and drained the battery, he was so furious I thought he'd have a coronary. And talk about road rage! God help the driver who cuts off Phil; he'll tailgate him for miles just to teach him a lesson. 

"He never cares about what I want. Just the other day, I said I wanted a coffee ice cream cone, but he came back with a different flavor he thought I should try instead. Okay, that's petty, but I hate his presuming he knows me better than I do. And I wish I had a nickel for every time he's said he'd be someplace at a certain time but showed up late. Last week, after I had a root canal, I waited 45 minutes for him to pick me up. 

"I've tried everything to improve our marriage. I've gone to other therapists; Phil came once, then refused to return. I've read self-help books. I've cajoled him to talk. But Phil will deny, deny, deny until a problem hits him over the head -- even now, when he's clearly sad about Meg's leaving, too.  

"He's just so unemotional, and I'm so lonely. I don't want to separate, but I don't want to live like this, either."

Continued on page 3:  He Says


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