"We Can't Get Over Our First Marriages"

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His Turn

Focusing on the Good

"Why on earth would Krista say that? I had a wonderful life with Maryanne and I loved her deeply. But now I'm married to another equally wonderful woman, whom I also dearly love, and Krista refuses to see that. I get the feeling that she's looking to find ways to make this marriage fail. Instead of focusing on the good we have, she picks up on all of our differences.

"I admit this marriage and the move north have been a big adjustment for me. Sometimes we had 15 people in one house with kids running all over the place. Take a step in the kitchen and you hear the crunch of Cheerios underfoot. That's a big change. But I'm not missing my old life; I've grieved enough. I fell in love with Krista -- her joie de vivre, her infectious laugh -- and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

"My childhood was very different from hers. I grew up in a home filled with love and never doubted that love for a second. My mother had six siblings and they all lived near each other and were very close. My parents, who worked in a factory, are still married; at 80 they still adore each other. I don't think I ever heard them raise their voices in anger.

"I wasn't sure what I wanted to do after graduate school, so I joined the Navy. That's where I developed my love of photography; I took photos for Navy newspapers. I'm now a freelance photographer for newspapers and magazines and work out of my home. My first wife, Maryanne, and I worked hard, traveled to Asia, South America, and Europe. We went to the ballet and the opera. After her death, I didn't travel much and spent more time in Maryland, where I'd planned to stay the rest of my life. When I met Krista, everything changed.

Continued on page 4:  His Turn, continued


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