"He's Hooked on Online Porn"

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His Turn

"I Feel Sexually Rejected"

"I feel awkward talking to a stranger about my sex life," said Carson, 30, a real-estate agent with an easy smile. "But if we're going to resolve this, I have to be honest, so here goes: I often feel sexually rejected by Mia. We clearly have different sexual needs. I don't like upsetting her, or fighting, so I did what I had to do. I know she has trouble understanding this -- she gets very dramatic and turns molehills into mountains -- but looking at porn is a purely physical thing for me. It has no bearing on my feelings for Mia. I don't even have a special 'cyberpartner.' It's just your garden-variety porn. When I'm sexually frustrated, I turn on the computer, go to some provocative site, do my thing, and feel better.

"It's not that I don't have mixed feelings about this, but frankly, since we hardly ever have sex anymore, I feel I have no other choice. It's a lot better than having an affair, isn't it? Some wives would be grateful that their husbands find release on the Internet, and not with another woman.

"Let me say it again: I love Mia and want to make love to her. I would never have an affair -- ever. But she doesn't make it easy. When we do have sex, it's great. But she says no more often than yes. When she was pregnant, we tried a few times during the middle months, but it was uncomfortable. Now she's so tired that she never wants sex. I know she needs time to recover physically and emotionally. But how long do I have to wait? She's so wrapped up with the baby that we barely talk, let alone make love. Can a guy be jealous of a 4-month-old?

"The Tension is Unbearable"

"I was wildly attracted to Mia from the moment we met. She's beautiful, sexy, and funny. We never used to argue, except for her complaints about my supposedly inappropriate flirting. But my interactions with women are perfectly innocent; Mia has nothing to fear. I've always been a people person, and I make my living by getting along with others. I don't drool over women the way my dad does.

"As a kid, I was sometimes mortified by Dad's lewd remarks, but to my mom they were no big deal. I don't see why Mia can't adopt that attitude.

"Our fights just rip me apart. Mia gets so nasty, going from zero to 10 on the anger scale in record time. Often she ends up screaming and cursing. I can't take it. Last week, after we had this big fight about the porn, I threw some clothes into a suitcase and stormed out, with no idea where I was going. I drove around until I cooled off and then went back home. But the tension is unbearable. We have so much together, and I'd never jeopardize that. I promise that I'll stay away from the porn sites -- if we can find a way to be close again."

Continued on page 4:  The Counselor's Turn

 

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