"While I Was Trying to Get Pregnant, He Was Having an Affair"

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His Turn, continued

"I'm also not sure about children. I just made partner and need time in my new responsibilities. I'm not saying never -- just not yet. But two years ago Anna became hell-bent on getting pregnant. I went along because I love her, but I was ambivalent. I'm scared that in spite of my best intentions, I'll be a lousy father, like my dad. Plus, there was just so much sadness and stress around the whole infertility issue. Anna would get depressed if she got her period and bossy about when we had to have sex. Day 10? Too early. Day 14? Good to go. I felt like a machine. 

"It seemed unfair that other people got pregnant immediately and we had to go through hell. When she finally conceived through IVF, she was thrilled beyond belief. Maybe that's why I agreed to this house, even though I can't stand it or the neighborhood. I figured at least it would be a good place to raise a child. After she lost the baby, being here felt pointless. But for her to suggest I didn't care about the miscarriage is dead wrong. I was torn up inside.

"The miscarriage was a huge blow, but little things upset Anna, too. And she's so regimented! Whether it's cleaning the basement or getting my mom a present, she'll announce that we have to do it that instant, no ifs, ands, or buts. She makes lists of her lists, and if I don't do something on her timetable, she gets mad. What I wouldn't give for a little spontaneity.

"The affair is over, and Anna knows that. It was never more than lust for me. But I have no idea how to handle the fact that Kay works at my firm and keeps making excuses to see me. To leave would be professional suicide, and as a junior partner I'm not in a position to have her transferred to another department. I just don't know what to do about any of it."

Continued on page 5:  The Counselor's Turn


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