"My Infertility Is Ruining Our Marriage"

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Mark's Turn

If I had my way, we'd stop talking about this for a few months so we could both cool down. Arguing isn't getting us anywhere. Yeah, I have a temper, but our disagreements used to blow over in a day. The stakes are so high now that I start yelling and Didi runs out of the room in tears.

I know finding out she's infertile was hard for Didi, and it hurts me, too. But I don't talk about feelings because she's already so focused on the negative and I don't want to make it worse. She's gone from being an upbeat person to being negative about everything. I hate seeing her like this.

From the start Didi's been in a rush to adopt, and the more she nags me, the more I ignore her. I appreciate that she took the time to get all the facts, but I won't let her pressure me into something I'm not comfortable with. I've heard horror stories about kids ­resenting their adoptive parents and the biological parents coming back to find them. Didi rolls her eyes about this, but I'm also afraid I won't love an adopted child as much as I'd love one that has my genes. She says I'm being ridiculous when I tell her how I feel. That's name-calling, too.

Didi has been talking about babies since we met, so I'm surprised she doesn't want to try IVF. Sure, adoption is cheaper. Yes, the odds are better. But life's short. Why not risk it? If it doesn't work, we'll know that we tried. I'm not ready to give up my chance to be a biological father just because she can't be a biological mother.

Continued on page 3:  The Counselor's Turn

 

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