"We Can't Get Pregnant"
Her Turn"We Want a Baby"
"I want a child more than anything, and I'll raise it on my own if I have to -- though that's certainly not what I want," said Nancy. "I love Seth and I want his baby, but if he really feels he can't go ahead with whatever we have to do to have a child of our own, I just might end this marriage. Being a mother is too important for me; I don't want a marriage without a child.
"We've been trying for about a year and half to get pregnant. I'm trying not to panic -- I think I've handled the disappointment pretty well so far--but at my age, it's getting increasingly difficult not to think the odds may be against us. I'd like to be able to talk to my friends about what I'm going through, but Seth is very private and it flips him out to think that other people might know his business.
"A year ago, my gynecologist referred us to a fertility clinic where we began a merry-go-round of tests. All along we both assumed the problem was with me. We were shocked when the doctors told us that Seth's low sperm count was most likely responsible for our inability to conceive. To be honest, I wish the doctors had found something wrong with me. I think I'd be better able to deal with it than my husband. We were both in shock when we heard the news and it's taken a while to digest it. You never think that such a serious problem will affect you. Over the last few months, I've become increasingly worried about Seth. I know it's a terrible blow for him.
"The fertility specialist referred us to a urologist, who suggested surgery for Seth. It didn't work. After two pretty painful procedures, the count is still very low. Now, we're faced with some hard decisions -- and we don't know what to do.
"The doctors suggested artificial insemination with donor sperm. I'm open to the idea but Seth refuses. At least we'll know who one of the parents is. But he's adamantly opposed and his stubbornness is making me angrier by the minute. He's always pictured having a little boy who looks just like him. Well, it's just not going to happen and it's time he got over it. But since we can't talk calmly about anything without having a nasty argument, how will we ever resolve this big one?