"We Can't Have a Baby"

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His Turn

"I'll Do Anything"

"I wouldn't blame Katie if she left me," said Bob, 46, a mechanical engineer. "It's my fault she had to suffer through those shots and surgeries. I feel guilty that my sterility is causing her so much pain, and I'm devastated that it's jeopardizing our relationship.

"Katie and I used to be candid about our feelings. No topic was taboo, not even our failed first marriages. Now, we haven't talked about our feelings in months. We should be discussing our other parenthood options, but I don't dare bring up the subject. Katie is so intent on getting pregnant that I'm afraid of upsetting her if I suggest adopting. But the truth is, I think adoption would be a good solution for us.

"From the start, I dreaded telling Katie about my vasectomy. I figured she would leave me -- just like everyone else in my life has. I married my first wife four years after we first met in high school. We fought all the time about finances, child rearing -- you name it. Then Denise said she didn't want any more children and demanded I get a vasectomy. At first I resisted, but she kept pressing and insisting that I would do it if I really cared about her. I finally gave in for the sake of our marriage, not thinking that I might regret it later on. A few years later, Denise cheated on me, and I filed for divorce.

"When I met Katie, I was ready for a serious relationship. She was everything I wanted in a woman: smart, warm, witty and beautiful. I'll never forget her disappointed expression when I told her I was sterile. I didn't hesitate to get the procedure reversed, and I was miserable when it failed.

"I'm glad we're trying the in-vitro process again. I can endure the cost and the emotional roller-coaster ride if it means we can be parents. I'm also grateful that Katie suggested counseling. She's the love of my life, and I'll do anything to save my marriage."

Continued on page 4:  The Counselor's Turn


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