"I Can't Turn Him On"
His Turn"I'm Afraid of Failure"
"I can't make love anymore. Frankly, I'm scared to initiate sex because I know I'll just fail again -- and Angela doesn't hesitate to let me know how upset she is. She'll say things like, 'I guess I don't turn you on anymore' and 'I don't know if I want to stay in a celibate marriage.' That makes me feel even worse.
"I wish I knew why I can't respond to Angela. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever met. We were always compatible in every way, especially in bed. Angela's sex drive was as strong as mine, and it was great for both of us. Feeling desired by her made everything in my life better, even my music. I finally had the confidence to start composing, which I'd never tried before.
"I'd always wanted to be a musician, but my parents urged me to go into my dad's import-export business because it offered security. I'm not saying they weren't supportive of my dream; after all, they gave me my first drum set and paid for my lessons. Dad even offered to cover my expenses for a year after college so I could try becoming a professional musician, with the implication that I could come back and work for him if things didn't pan out.
"But if I wasn't a success, it would have given my older brother, Kyle, yet another reason to gloat. He was always the favorite son, better in school and at sports than I was. He got married first and gave our parents their first grandkids. I could never compete with him. So rather than risking failure as a musician, I went into the family business right out of college. The trouble is that Kyle works there, too, and he loves it. He's a natural at making deals, unlike me. Once again, he wins.