"I Can't Turn Him On"
His Turn, continued
"I know I'm getting off the subject, but it's hard for me to talk about my sex problem. I think I can pinpoint the day it began: After a string of bad days at work, I lost a big contract. That same day, Kyle closed a really lucrative deal, and my dad took him out to celebrate. I felt like a loser and a rotten son.
"Then when I came home, Angela told me Marnie and Ted were expecting. Ted was the first of my friends to become a father, so the news hit me hard. Suddenly, I had images of Angela quitting work to raise a house full of kids while I worked overtime to support us. Just thinking about all that responsibility was overwhelming, so I was hardly in the mood when Angela started kissing me. Still, I went along with it -- and lost my erection halfway through.
"I haven't been able to perform since. I've tried to go along when Angela comes on to me, but it's hopeless. Even when I feel a little aroused, I don't want to go through with it because I know I won't last. Maybe there's something medically wrong with me. It can't be normal for a guy in his thirties to lose his libido overnight, can it?
"Now Angela is talking about wanting a baby, but I'm not sure I'll ever be ready to be a father. When I look at Kyle and his wife, I see that their lives revolve completely around babysitters, parent-teacher meetings, and saving for college. That doesn't appeal to me. My idea of a good time is the cruise we're about to take, not dragging kids around an amusement park.
"Not that it matters whether I want to be a father. If I can't have sex, it's a moot point. And unless we can resolve this, Angela is going to leave me and look for a guy who can satisfy her. I don't understand how therapy will help, but I'm willing to try anything to keep our marriage alive."
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