"I Forgot What It's Like to Want Sex"
Her Turn"I Have Absolutely No Sexual Desire"
"Jim and I used to have a great sex life," said Cassie, a stunning redhead who has a grown daughter from a previous marriage. "We've been married six years -- it's a second marriage for both of us -- and until three years ago we felt, and acted, like newlyweds.
"Now, I have absolutely no sexual desire. The juices never flow, the heat never happens. I want to be more interested in sex, but I'm just not. I've gained twenty pounds over the last few years; it's hard to feel sexy when I feel so frumpy. Still, I'm convinced that the hysterectomy I had three years ago is the real cause of my problems. Since then, I've seen two gynecologists and tried everything from hormone replacement therapy to herbal and homeopathic remedies to improve my libido. Nothing helps.
"Jim and I haven't made love in months and months. On the rare occasion that we do, it's nothing like it used to be. I feel put upon -- almost as if it's a chore -- and Jim feels that I'm doing him a big favor. I've tried to explain that I love him and still find him attractive; I'm just not in the mood. For instance, the other night I came home from work, and while I was hanging up my coat, he walked up behind me and started kissing my neck. I knew where that was heading -- but I was exhausted and the last thing I wanted was sex. I told him to stop it. Whenever I rebuff him like this, he either pouts or, worse, explodes. Jim has a short fuse and can blow up in a heartbeat. He acts the same way if he thinks I'm ignoring his family, criticizing him about some unpaid bill, or asking for time by myself.