"We've Been Married Seven Years -- and We've Never Had Sex"
Her Turn, continued
"But history repeated itself. We tried to have intercourse about a dozen times during our four-year courtship, yet each time Brad got close to entering me, I would tense up to the point where my body felt like one giant knot and I couldn't even spread my legs. We tried wine, bubble baths, and full-body massages to help me relax, but I always froze up whenever we progressed beyond touching.
"Soon we were fighting about sex. Naturally, he was angry we weren't having it. When I'd say, 'Let's try on Saturday,' then back out because it hurt too much, he'd grow even more furious. I wasn't leading him on; I really wanted to have intercourse. Once we were engaged, Brad badgered me to get professional help, but I couldn't bear to tell anyone my shameful secret, not even a gynecologist. I just hoped the problem would go away. Two days before our wedding, Brad threatened to call it off, and I swore we'd have sex on our honeymoon. In retrospect, I'm amazed he gave me another chance.
"But on our honeymoon, I had all the same tenseness. On the last day, we still hadn't had sex, and Brad went ballistic. 'I knew I shouldn't have married you until this problem was solved,' he screamed. 'I'm tired of your empty promises.' He stormed out of the room, and I collapsed on the bed in tears. Three hours later, Brad came back and apologized, promising that we'd solve my problem together."I Believe This May Be My Last Chance With Him"
"But we reverted to the same predictable pattern. I would enjoy his kisses and caresses, and then I would pleasure him with oral sex. He always enjoyed it, but he said he craved the emotional connection of intercourse. So did I.
"Three years ago, things really began to deteriorate. After yet another failed attempt at intercourse, Brad called me his 'roommate' and began sleeping in the guest room from time to time. He set deadlines, saying he'd divorce me if we didn't have sex by our anniversary or by his birthday. As the deadlines came and went, Brad would call me a liar, and I'd sob inconsolably. Sometimes he'd spend the night in a hotel.
"Now we're trapped in a vicious cycle: The more bitter and angry Brad becomes, the harder it is for me to become aroused when we do fool around. I live in constant fear that he's going to cheat on me. As emotionally wrenching as that would be, I wouldn't blame him, because I'm not meeting his sexual needs. Sometimes my problem is all I think about. I have migraines, nausea, and insomnia.
"The other day, Brad threatened divorce again unless I see a therapist. I believe this may be my last chance with him, so here I am."