The Big Questions

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Part Two: Going to the Next Level

Life with your new man has been blissful. He's been a perfect gentleman. Picks you up at the door to go to concerts, movies, romantic dinners. The physical attraction has been strong, so much so that you're hoping he won't be quite so gentlemanly at the end of the evening. But are you ready for serious physical intimacy? Ask him:

1. When do you think is the right time to sleep with someone? This question should be asked in a relatively low-key environment -- when you're walking in the park, getting an ice-cream cone, fishing. Not when he's fumbling with your bra strap. The idea here is to get his general philosophy, without necessarily commenting on your relationship.


2. Are you seeing anyone else? It might seem unfathomable that the man you've felt so connected with all these months could have another girlfriend, but he may have an entirely different interpretation of your relationship. So while you may not like the answer, it's better to learn this before you ask him to spend the night.

3. Do you worry about STDs? Asking a guy if he's been tested for sexually transmitted diseases is about as romantic as asking him to pee in a cup. This is never an easy topic, so start by asking a more philosophical question. "The bottom line is you have to have the safe-sex talk, and you have to come to an agreement that you're both comfortable with, whether that means wearing condoms, getting tested, or both," says Sills.

4. Are you sure you're ready for this? This will let him know that you take the relationship seriously, that there indeed is something one needs to be "ready" for.

5. What are my parents' first names? Okay, you don't literally ask this question. But if he's viewing this as the next step in building a committed relationship, then he should already know some basic stuff about you. "You really want to be at the point where the relationship is stable enough so that you don't have to ask. Is he part of your life? Has he met your friends and family? Or is he just someone you've been on six dates with? Behavior answers this question more than a conversation," says Sills.

Continued on page 4:  Part Three: Shacking Up


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