He Says, She Says: Handling the "Fat" Question, Your Spouse's Relatives, and Friendship Woes
The "F" Word
My wife asked me the other day if she was looking fat, so I said yeah, I'd noticed she'd packed on about 20 pounds. Now she's sulking, calling me "Baldy," and saying I'm heartless. Hey -- she asked! Why can't women handle the truth?
She Says: Let me do a little role-playing for you. When she asks, "Does this ______ make me look fat?" your answer is no! In fact, the answer to any question with the word fat in it is no. Do not ask me to explain. Do not ask me to justify. At some point she will decide for herself she is unhappy about the extra pounds and she alone will do something about it. Until that time, just shut up and take my advice. You will lead a happier life.
He Says: Come on, guy, answers to a wife's questions about weight and age call for subtlety (if not outright lying), especially if you're a poster boy for the Sy Sperling Hair Club for Men. Instead, call to your addled mind all the women who are curvy yet extremely foxy. I'm talking Catherine Zeta-Jones, Nigella Lawson, and Pamela Anderson. Then tell your wife they remind you of her. If that doesn't work, shave your head. It's your only hope.