Are You Boring in Bed?

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Bedroom Gripes

We tracked down some real reactions and between-the-sheets bitchin'. Some complaints are most definitely gender-based, but communication is the No. 1 most desired sex-tool we heard from both camps. Grumbles from Girls "Don't be so sensitive. I want us to enjoy sex together, so if I tell you I want you to do something differently, don't take it as an ego-blow -- consider it encouragement." "You'd better hold me afterwards. My boyfriend flips over on his tummy, demands a back scratch, and snores... it's annoying beyond belief." "Slow down, cowboy! This isn't the Pony Express, you know. I need more slow buildup before the car enters the garage, if you know what I'm saying." "Just because you found my clitoris doesn't mean you have to dive-bomb it like a kamikaze. Gentle, gentle, gentle -- and if I say 'ouch,' I mean it." "If you finish too fast or something else goes awry, acknowledge it -- chances are, I'll have an idea of how you can finish the job in another way. Don't get so embarrassed, the night's not over!" Boys Bitch Back "I need a woman to communicate what she likes and doesn't like. Just point me in the right direction if you don't want to say it. Silence is frustrating, and guessing games aren't sexy!" "Enthusiasm is the No. 1 aphrodisiac for me. If a woman seems uninterested, I get turned off." "If a girl is disgusted by oral sex, forget it. That's insulting. If you think I'm that ugly, I don't want to be with you. At least pretend it's the most gorgeous item you've ever seen." "I wish the whole concept of 'ladylike' had never been invented. No, I don't want to hear you burp, but I do want you to be lusty and appreciative, not repressed, when it comes to sex." "I don't know why women are so self-conscious. I want to see you naked -- that's why I'm going out with you. Trying to hide your thighs, or insisting on turning off the lights, or otherwise hiding your body -- that's lame. Show it off!"

Continued on page 4:  Am I a Humdrum Lover?


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