Relationship Q&A: Our Sex Life Is Out of Sync
Q. My husband likes morning quickies, but I can't get in the mood with the get-to-work and get-the-kids-ready routine looming. I prefer evening lovemaking, but he's too tired by then. How can we get our sex life in sync?
Jenn Berman, Psy.D., a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, California, answers:
A. In today's busy world, couples who wait for the perfect time and the mutual mood won't have sex very often. Try a little compromise and planning. Give your husband a window of opportunity for lovemaking before the morning routine starts. That might mean setting your alarm 15 minutes earlier once in a while -- not a bad trade-off. You may be more open to a quickie if you know it won't make you late for your day. And he may find the stamina to be intimate in the evening if you do the seducing; ask him what you can do to get him in the mood.
It also sounds like the two of you could use some time together without kids, so schedule a regular date night. It doesn't have to be expensive; just grabbing a burger or going for a long walk can give you the chance to focus on each other. Also, try to take a vacation alone -- even a weekend or an overnight will allow you to experience each other as husband and wife, not just Mommy and Daddy. Have friends watch your kids once a month so you can get away; then return the favor.
Do you have a marital problem that you just can't seem to resolve -- over money, sex, kids, work, the in-laws? Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org. Although we can't answer letters personally, we'll choose selected ones each month for our guest therapist to answer.